Recognizing and Identifying Teen Dating Violence

Editor's Note: This text-based course is an edited transcript of the webinar, Recognizing and Identifying Teen Dating Violence, presented by Kaytlyn Gillis, MSW, LCSW-BACS.

Learning Outcomes

After this course, participants will be able to:

• Identify the various ways IPV takes place in teen relationships.
• Explain unhealthy vs healthy teen relationships.
• Identify best practices for developing a safety plan for teen victims of IPV and understanding when to report and/or involve parents.

Risks and Limitations

This course includes information about relationship abuse, addressing various forms, including those specific to the LGBTQ+ community. Given the wide range of abusive and traumatic experiences in relationships, this is not an exhaustive overview. Some experiences may differ from those described here. Participants are encouraged to analyze this material within the context of their professional climate and practice. The roles and practices of individuals who support survivors vary greatly, so these experiences may also appear differently depending on your specific role.

Presenter Positionality

Before we begin, I’d like to share a bit about my positionality to provide context for my perspective. I am a white woman, which affords me the privilege of presenting as white and benefiting from the societal advantages that come with that. I am also a member of the queer and LGBTQ+ community.

I have personal experience as a queer teen navigating the challenges of coming out. While I faced bias and discrimination related to my identity, I also carried the privilege associated with being white. Additionally, I am a survivor of intimate partner violence and relationship trauma. When I speak on these topics, I draw from both firsthand experience and professional expertise.

As a therapist, I work with survivors of family and relationship trauma across a broad spectrum, including those who have experienced domestic violence within their families or relationships. My clients span all ages, from young people to older adults. I regularly provide training on recognizing intimate partner violence and have worked extensively with the legal system, offering education and raising awareness about IPV, which is often overlooked in that context.

In terms of education, I earned my bachelor’s degree from Clark University, a master’s degree in social work from Tulane University, and am a current Ph.D. student at Michigan State University, focusing on domestic violence.

What is IPV?

Intimate partner violence (IPV) is defined by the CDC as abuse or aggression occurring within a romantic relationship. Broadly, it includes any intentional behavior in a relationship that causes emotional or physical harm. While this definition may seem vague, the flexibility is intentional to encompass the diverse ways IPV manifests.

Different behaviors qualify as abusive depending on the individual and the context. What one person considers harmful might not be perceived the same way by someone else. That said, there are clear criteria for identifying and categorizing domestic violence.

IPV can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, race, nationality, sexuality, faith, socioeconomic status, or age. It’s important to emphasize this point because certain groups—such as teens and older adults—are often excluded from discussions about IPV. These populations are frequently overlooked in IPV assessments and broader conversations, even within clinical settings. Ensuring inclusivity in these discussions is crucial to addressing IPV for all age groups.

Why is it Important to Learn About IPV in Teens?

Understanding IPV in teens is essential because healthcare workers are often the first point of contact for individuals experiencing abuse. Our work spans a variety of settings—healthcare facilities, clinics, schools, and policymaking spaces, among others. While I can’t list every role represented here today, it’s safe to say we work in diverse environments.

Most, if not all, of us will encounter a client who has been a victim of IPV at some point in our careers. However, many of us might not recognize that this has occurred. This isn’t necessarily a fault of the clinician; not every client will disclose their experiences, especially if it doesn’t feel relevant to the situation at hand.

Still, given the prevalence and relevance of IPV, it’s vital to understand our unique role. We are often the first professionals to identify abuse simply because of the nature of our interactions with clients. Whether in emergency rooms, social services, or other settings, we’re often the initial point of contact. By creating safe spaces for teens to disclose their experiences, we increase the likelihood that they’ll feel comfortable coming forward. Equally important is knowing how to respond and take appropriate next steps when they do.

Terminology

Before diving deeper, let’s review some key terms for this training:

• Victim and Survivor: I use these terms interchangeably, depending on the context. I recognize that people have strong preferences for one term over the other, and I aim to use both respectfully.
• Perpetrator: Refers to the individual committing the abusive act. This person is often the partner but not always.
• Intimate Partner Violence (IPV), Domestic Violence (DV), and Teen Dating Violence: These are related but distinct terms that I will use throughout the session, with context provided as needed.

Understanding and respecting these terms is critical as we navigate discussions about IPV.

2-Minute Reflection Exercise

The purpose of this quick reflection exercise is to help us, as clinicians, reflect on our biases—because we all have them. Consider this question: Is intimate partner violence (IPV) in teen relationships the same as in adult relationships? Why or why not?

There is no right or wrong answer. Experiences vary widely, and your response will be shaped by your own knowledge and perspective. Whether this is your first time learning about IPV or you’ve had personal or professional exposure, reflect on what you’re bringing into this discussion. Keep this in mind as we move forward, as this reflection will frame how you engage with the material.

Forms of Dating Violence in Teen Relationships

When discussing forms of dating violence in teen relationships, it’s essential to consider the context. Many terms will be familiar, either from working with adults or encountering them in social media discussions. However, teens often experience these behaviors in unique ways. Let’s explore some of these forms and how they may present in teen relationships.

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is often the first form that comes to mind when people think of domestic violence. It includes actions like hitting, slapping, throwing objects, or using physical force to harm someone. Unfortunately, this type of abuse is frequently prioritized in legal assessments, sometimes overshadowing other forms of IPV. While physical abuse remains a critical concern, we now understand that IPV encompasses many other harmful behaviors.

Coercive Control

Coercive control involves behaviors aimed at dominating or manipulating a partner through threats, punishment, or retaliation. For teens, this might look like a partner threatening to break up, exposing private information, or sharing intimate photos on social media. Other examples include refusing to use—or lying about using—birth control, or pressuring a partner to do the same. These behaviors often exploit vulnerabilities unique to adolescents, such as social reputation or family dynamics.

Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse includes actions like name-calling, intentional humiliation, and stonewalling (e.g., ignoring or giving the silent treatment). Teens may report partners calling them names or refusing to engage in communication as forms of punishment. It’s worth noting that these behaviors often overlap with other forms of abuse, compounding their impact.

Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse can involve forced sexual contact, sharing intimate content without consent, or lying about sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Among teens, sharing explicit photos or videos on social media without permission has become an alarming trend. These violations of trust and privacy can have lasting emotional consequences and are increasingly prevalent among young people.

Psychological Abuse

Psychological abuse often includes manipulative behaviors like gaslighting, stalking, or spiritual abuse. While teens might describe their experiences using terms like "narcissistic abuse," it’s important to approach these statements with curiosity rather than judgment. For example, when a teen claims their ex is a "narcissist," it provides an opportunity to explore what they’re experiencing and how it’s affecting them. The goal is not to define or label but to understand and support.

Case Studies

Case Vignette 1: Jesse

Jesse, a 13-year-old student, was referred after being caught skipping class. She shares that her relationship stress has made school feel unimportant. Initially, her truancy appears to be the main issue, but through active listening, it becomes clear that her relationship is the root cause.

When Jesse describes her partner as “not in school anymore,” it raises a red flag. This vague detail prompts further exploration into her concerns and discomforts. By providing education on healthy versus unhealthy relationships and information about consent laws, clinicians can empower teens like Jesse without making them feel judged or pressured. Avoiding direct confrontation about her partner’s age helps maintain trust, ensuring she feels safe to share more when ready.

Case Vignette 2: Braden

Braden, a 15-year-old, seeks help, describing his relationship as “toxic.” Rather than imposing definitions, the focus is on understanding his perspective: What feels toxic? What’s happening? This allows Braden to define his experience in his own terms.

It’s crucial not to assume the gender of Braden’s partner. Using neutral pronouns like “they” creates a more inclusive environment, especially for queer teens who may fear disclosing their identity. Braden expresses concerns about being outed—a common fear among LGBTQ+ youth—and receives education on healthy versus unhealthy relationships, tailored to his situation.

Unique Factors of IPV in Teens

Intimate partner violence (IPV) among teens presents unique challenges, often making it difficult to recognize and address. Teens are frequently overlooked in IPV assessments, and many don’t realize they are experiencing abuse. This lack of awareness can stem from various factors, including behaviors being normalized, excused, or influenced by harmful trends on social media. Some teens may not understand what constitutes abuse because they come from family environments where abusive behavior is common. For these teens, what they experience in their relationships may feel normal, making recognition even harder.

Fear of getting into trouble can also deter teens from seeking help. Some may face restrictions about dating altogether or may worry about dating someone their parents disapprove of—whether that person is of the same gender, a different race, or a different faith. These fears can lead them to hide their relationships, further complicating their ability to address IPV.

How is Dating Violence Different with Teens?

Dating violence among teens differs significantly from that experienced by adults, and context is key to understanding these differences. While no age excuses bad or unhealthy behavior, it’s important to approach young relationships with an awareness of developmental factors. Teens are still learning about boundaries, emotions, and relationships. Labeling certain behaviors as abusive without considering context can sometimes complicate the conversation.

Take, for example, the term “gaslighting.” It was named Word of the Year recently, largely due to its prevalence on social media. While the concept holds merit in many situations, social media often dilutes its meaning, applying it broadly to any form of conflict or miscommunication. This highlights the importance of carefully assessing what teens are describing without immediately assigning labels.

How is Dating Violence Different with LGBTQ+ Teens?

Approximately 26% of female teens and 15% of male teens experience dating violence. While comprehensive statistics for LGBTQ+ teens are limited, it’s clear that teens of all genders face these challenges. For LGBTQ+ teens, the experience can be uniquely complex.

Take Braden’s story as an example. LGBTQ+ teens often fear being outed. Their families, schools, or communities may not be accepting of their sexuality or gender identity. Sharing their experiences of abuse or dysfunction can risk exposing their identities, creating a dangerous situation. For many, the potential consequences of being outed—such as rejection, hostility, or homelessness—are so severe that they choose to remain silent about the abuse.

Social environments often compound these difficulties. Teens may grow up hearing negative messages about LGBTQ+ people, internalizing fear and shame. Recent legal changes in some regions have only heightened this fear, discouraging teens from disclosing information that might reveal their identities.

For healthcare workers, it’s crucial to validate these fears. Disclosure for LGBTQ+ teens isn’t just a conversation—it can feel like a life-or-death decision. Some teens I’ve worked with have been kicked out of their homes at young ages, while others live in constant fear of such an outcome. The stakes are incredibly high for these individuals.

Abuse within LGBTQ+ relationships can also take specific forms. A partner may threaten to out the teen to their family or community if they attempt to leave or report the abuse. This coercion forces many teens to remain in harmful relationships, reasoning that enduring the abuse is safer than the potential fallout of being outed. Additionally, queer teens may experience unique forms of sexual abuse, such as being forced to have unprotected sex under the assumption that pregnancy is not a risk.

These layered complexities demand a nuanced and compassionate approach from those working with LGBTQ+ teens experiencing IPV.

Common Ways Teens May Excuse Abuse

Teens often rationalize or excuse abusive behavior in ways that reflect their environment, developmental stage, or lack of awareness. Some common examples include:

• Intellectualizing: Teens may justify their partner’s actions, saying, “He was just angry; he’s not normally like this.”

• Desensitization: Teens who grow up in abusive families or violent communities may have a diminished emotional response to abuse. They’ve been exposed to so much violence or trauma that they fail to recognize abusive behaviors as abnormal.

• Excusing: Teens might downplay harmful behavior by attributing it to external stressors. For example, they might say, “She was just stressed about finals; it’s not usually like this.”

• Beliefs About Gender Roles: Some teens internalize harmful societal norms. A boy might say, “Men just act like this sometimes. I shouldn’t get upset.”

• Reasoning or Bargaining: Teens may try to negotiate with their abuser, saying things like, “Please don’t out me. I’ll stay with you, just stop doing this.”

• Self-Blame: Like survivors of all ages, teens often blame themselves for the abuse. Developmentally, they are particularly prone to internalizing guilt for negative events, believing, “If something bad happened, it must be my fault.”

• Denial: Many teens mimic the justifications they’ve heard in their families. A teen might say, “My boyfriend wasn’t angry, he was just tired,” echoing what they’ve heard parents say, such as, “Dad wasn’t angry, he was just tired,” or, “Mom wasn’t loud, she was just frustrated.”

This cycle of denial and minimization is deeply ingrained in many young people. It reflects a learned tendency to downplay bad behavior and compare it to others, often concluding, “It’s not that bad. Other people have it worse.”

By recognizing these patterns, we can better support teens in identifying unhealthy relationships and breaking free from harmful cycles.

“Toxic” Relationships

Let’s take a moment to talk about the buzzword “toxic.” If you’ve been on social media over the past couple of years or if you work with kids, you’ve likely encountered this term. It’s everywhere right now, and while it’s a useful descriptor in some cases, it’s important to understand how its meaning varies.

As clinicians, we know that not all toxic relationships are abusive. Toxicity exists on a spectrum. When I hear the term in a clinical setting, I associate it with specific behaviors—those that are abusive, extremely unhealthy, or even dangerous. However, teens often use the word differently.

For many young people, “toxic” might simply describe a personality conflict or an ongoing disagreement. There’s also a generational difference in how these terms are applied, which can create a gap in understanding between adults and teens. My goal is not to label their usage as right or wrong but rather to gain insight into their perspective.

I’ve worked with clinicians who, upon hearing a teen describe their relationship as “toxic,” immediately assume the teen is experiencing abuse. While that could be the case, it’s essential to pause and explore further. Jumping to conclusions—either to dismiss or validate their claim—can overlook the nuances of their experience. Treatment is most effective when it centers the teen’s perspective and meets them where they are.

What is “Normal” in Teen Relationships?

What qualifies as “normal” in teen relationships? It’s a complicated question, as adolescence is a time of exploration and growth. Here are some behaviors that often fall within the realm of normal:

• Occasional name-calling
• Arguments and disagreements
• Competition or jealousy
• Frequent changes in romantic interests
• Online arguments or drama
• Curiosity about sexuality

While these behaviors might not always be healthy, they are common developmental milestones for teens. Many of us can likely relate to some of these experiences from our own younger years.

On the other hand, certain behaviors cross the line and are decidedly not normal. These include:

• Physical violence (hitting, punching, etc.)
• Sexual violence
• Excessive name-calling
• Bullying or cruelty

Occasional name-calling, for instance, can fall into the realm of normal depending on the context. Teens often refer to it as “josing” or playful banter, and it’s important to assess whether the behavior is mutual or intended to cause harm. Bullying or intentionally cruel behavior, however, is never acceptable.

When discussing intimate partner violence (IPV) or teen dating violence, it’s vital to stress that bad behavior is never excusable. However, I encourage viewing each situation as an opportunity to educate teens about healthy relationships. By considering the context of their behavior, we can guide them toward better understanding and healthier interactions.

Younger teens, for example, might react with more extreme emotions due to their developmental stage. While it’s not acceptable for someone to endure this, understanding that they are still learning what is and isn’t okay can help frame conversations. Cultural differences may also influence what is considered typical behavior.

Ultimately, “normal” doesn’t always mean healthy, and it doesn’t mean acceptable. Everything—good or bad—becomes an opportunity to explore, educate, and guide teens toward healthier relationships while reinforcing that dating violence is never excusable.

IPV in Modern Times

Intimate partner violence (IPV) among teens has evolved in modern times, introducing challenges that are often overlooked in traditional IPV assessments. Technology plays a significant role, with issues such as tracking devices, stalking, and surveillance through social media becoming increasingly common. Social media, in particular, has become a powerful tool for perpetuating teen dating violence.

Teens often underestimate the permanence and impact of online activity. Many believe that platforms like Snapchat or Instagram stories are fleeting, thinking, “It’s only on my story, so no one will see it later.” They don’t always realize that content shared online rarely disappears entirely. As clinicians, our role includes educating teens about these risks, even if the information doesn’t seem to resonate immediately.

I recognize that when I bring up these topics with teens, it might go in one ear and out the other. That’s part of the challenge of working with this age group. If someone had tried to explain these concepts to me as a teenager, I might have dismissed it too. But our responsibility is to educate, persistently and patiently, and provide tools for navigating these modern risks. Small things like tagging locations or sharing check-ins might seem harmless to them, but they’re often used by others to monitor their movements or activities.

Why Teens May Seek Support

Teens come to us for a variety of reasons, and it’s not always obvious at first that IPV is involved. For example, as I mentioned earlier with Braden, a teen might openly say, “My relationship isn’t going well,” or use the word “toxic.” But more often, they come to us for unrelated issues, and only later do we uncover dating violence beneath the surface.

There are certain signs that may point to underlying IPV, such as:

• Poor self-esteem
• Mental health concerns like depression or anxiety
• Sleep difficulties
• Appetite changes
• Personality shifts
• Academic or behavioral changes

For instance, imagine a straight-A student who sits at the front of the class every day. Suddenly, they start failing their classes, sleeping through lectures, or showing no interest in school. Such drastic changes should prompt us to ask, “What’s going on here?”

Teens may also get into legal trouble or face disciplinary action at school, which can sometimes be connected to relationship stress or abuse. Parents often play a key role in these situations. Some will approach us saying, “Here’s my teen. Fix them. They’re the problem.” Others will be more supportive, expressing a desire to help their child navigate their struggles.

Supportive parents can make a significant difference. When a parent encourages their teen to engage in therapy or conversations about their challenges, it often creates a productive environment. However, in cases where the teen feels forced into counseling, it can backfire. For example, you might start a session by saying, “Well, since you’re here anyway, let’s play Uno while we talk.” This relaxed approach can help ease the tension and make the teen feel less pushed.

Whether a teen feels supported or pressured, the goal is to meet them where they are, gradually building trust and creating space for honest conversations about what they’re experiencing.

How Can We Support Teen Clients During this Time?

Supporting teen clients during this time involves many of the same principles we use with all clients, but with added sensitivity to their unique developmental needs. Listening empathetically and allowing them to share their story without interruption is critical. Often, clinicians worry about the smaller details, like exact times or dates, but those specifics aren’t our priority. If a teen says something happened on Friday night but isn’t sure if it was at 10:00 or 11:00, that’s okay. Our role isn’t to be detectives—it’s to help them process and heal. The healing begins when they feel heard.

Encouraging documentation can also be empowering. For example, if reporting is necessary, I model transparency by showing them what I’m writing. I explain, “This is the information I have, and here’s how it might be shared—whether that’s with a parent, school staff, or law enforcement.” This practice ensures they’re informed and minimizes surprises, helping build trust.

Having open conversations is equally important. For anyone working with young people, one crucial reminder is to avoid taking their anger or frustration personally. Teens often react with extreme emotions; it’s part of their developmental stage. While this doesn’t mean we should tolerate inappropriate behavior, it helps to remember that their reactions are rarely about us.

Avoid instructing them to leave their relationship. Saying, “You need to end it,” can alienate them, making them less likely to trust or confide in us. Similarly, trying to explain or reason with teens often backfires. They’re likely to push back even harder—sometimes just for the sake of arguing. I’ve had teens argue with me about the color of the sky simply because they wanted to challenge something.

Instead, take a nonjudgmental approach. If a teen says something like, “I have to stay in this relationship because I’m keeping them alive,” respond with curiosity rather than judgment. Say, “Tell me more about that.” Avoid insisting they report their situation unless legally required, as forcing this step can strip away their sense of autonomy.

Finally, avoid making assumptions about their gender, sexuality, or faith. Comments like, “This is God’s plan,” or suggesting they pray can be alienating unless you know their faith aligns with such sentiments. Instead, meet them where they are and let them guide the conversation.

Who is at Risk?

Which teens are most at risk for dating violence? Certain factors increase vulnerability. Teens who experience abuse or dysfunction at home are particularly susceptible. Those with poor self-esteem, depression, or other mental health struggles are also at higher risk.

Living in violent environments or witnessing domestic violence at home is another significant factor. In my work, I often see connections between unhealthy family dynamics and later relationship patterns. For example, a teen who grows up watching their father abuse their mother—or a grandfather mistreat an aunt—may come to view gender-based violence as normal. This normalization increases their likelihood of experiencing or perpetrating dating violence.

Research also highlights a link between early sexual or dating behaviors and higher risks of teen dating violence. While there are many theories about why this happens, it’s a pattern worth considering. Additionally, having friends who experience dating violence can normalize the behavior within social circles, further perpetuating the cycle.

How Will I Know if a Teen is Experiencing Dating Violence?

Identifying dating violence in teens isn’t always straightforward. Some teens will self-report, as in Braden’s case, directly telling you about their situation. Others might display visible signs, such as body language, physical injuries, or behavioral changes.

In some cases, external factors bring teens to your attention. Schools might mandate sessions with a counselor due to legal troubles, disciplinary issues, or behavioral concerns. For instance, a teen caught fighting might reveal they were defending themselves from a violent partner. Similarly, substance use or self-medication could indicate an underlying issue like dating violence.

Mandated sessions can go either way. Sometimes, they create an opportunity to connect with a teen, while other times, the teen resents being forced into therapy. When a teen is resistant, a low-pressure approach can help. For example, start with something casual like, “Since you’re here anyway, let’s play a quick game of Uno.”

Listen carefully to what teens say. Phrases like, “I’m afraid to break up with them,” or “My partner controls me,” can be red flags. Teens might also blame themselves, saying, “Maybe it’s my fault,” or express fear of retaliation, such as, “They’ll out me if I tell anyone.”

Social media complicates these situations. Sharing passwords is, for some reason, a current trend among teens, and it often enables controlling behaviors. A teen might say, “I can’t tell you what happened because they have my Snapchat password.”

Keep in mind that many teens won’t disclose their experiences immediately, or at all. You might work with a teen for weeks or months before uncovering signs of dating violence. Maintaining an open mind and a judgment-free environment is crucial to creating a space where they feel safe to share.

Assessing and Screening

When assessing and screening, the first step is ensuring confidentiality while being transparent about exceptions. When I work with teens, I start by reassuring them: “I’m not going to tell your parents what we talk about.” Most teens are deeply concerned about confidentiality, and for good reason. I explain that everything they share stays private unless it falls under specific exceptions, which I review with them to avoid surprises later.

Always conduct assessments alone—especially without parents present. This ensures the teen feels safe to speak openly. If a parent insists on being involved, I adapt my approach depending on the situation. Sometimes, I’ll explain that it’s policy to meet with the teen individually. Other times, I’ll agree to a joint meeting first, followed by private sessions with the teen going forward. In certain cases, I meet with the teen privately before bringing in the parent. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach, so flexibility is key.

Referrals and ongoing safety assessments are crucial. For instance, if a teen comes in with visible bruises or scrapes, they may need a referral to their primary care doctor. It’s important to provide clear, actionable resources so they know where to turn for additional help.

One critical reminder: never include information about dating violence on discharge paperwork. Teens often toss these papers into their backpack, where a parent, friend, or partner might find them. A discovery like that could put the teen in an unsafe situation. Instead, provide education verbally and create a safe space for them to process their experiences. Avoid trying to convince them they’re in an abusive situation—they’ll resist. Instead, focus on education and let them come to their own conclusions in a supportive environment.

Always ask about other forms of abuse, not just physical violence. While this is starting to change, many assessments still focus heavily on physical abuse. Stay gender-neutral and avoid assuming sexuality or gender. Use open-ended questions like, “What’s your relationship like with your partner?” or “How do they treat you?” rather than asking directly if they’ve been emotionally abused.

Teens may not immediately recognize or acknowledge their social supports. When creating safety plans, I’ve had kids suddenly remember a coach or teacher who has been a source of encouragement. These moments can be empowering and remind teens that they’re not alone.

Lastly, don’t rush to report unless there’s an immediate safety issue. Reporting is sometimes necessary, but it should never be done impulsively. I’ll address this in more detail later.

Documenting and Reporting

When documenting and reporting, accuracy and clarity are essential. Always record as much detail as possible in the teen’s own words, including the date, time, location, and specific events they describe. If they say something happened “Friday night after the football game,” write exactly that. It’s not our role to investigate whether it was 10:00 p.m. or sunset or who was present—we document what the teen shares, not what we suspect or assume.

Safety assessments, referrals, and resource recommendations should all be part of your notes. Always seek consultation or support when needed. No matter how experienced we are, it’s helpful to bounce ideas off a colleague, whether it’s to determine if something is reportable or to gain a fresh perspective on a safety concern.

It’s also important to remember that clinical notes are not the same as police reports. While this distinction may be familiar to many, it’s worth emphasizing. Police reports are investigative and involve gathering evidence, whereas clinical notes reflect the client’s narrative and our professional observations.

In summary, thoughtful documentation and collaborative consultation are key to providing effective support while maintaining ethical standards.

Legal Issues and Reporting

I’ve encountered situations where clinicians mistakenly shared their clinical notes with the police. It’s important to clarify that our documentation serves a different purpose. Clinical notes are for therapeutic and professional use, not for investigation. Legal requirements, however, vary depending on your state and professional license.

Each license comes with specific mandates. Some states require healthcare practitioners to report certain situations, while others do not. These laws are changing frequently, making it crucial to stay updated on current regulations.

Here are common examples of reportable scenarios:

• Sexual abuse or assault
• Threats of harm to oneself or others
• Dating violence involving a partner over 18

However, the specifics depend on your jurisdiction, license, and agency policies. For instance, some agencies may require reporting a sexual assault to a supervisor, even if it doesn’t meet state-mandated thresholds. Similarly, in schools, if a student discloses suicidal ideation with a plan, that may need to be escalated to administrators, parents, or law enforcement.

Confidentiality is critical when working with any client, especially protected populations. For example, if a teen has a younger sibling exposed to abuse or neglect, or if the teen is a parent themselves, reporting laws may apply differently. These considerations make it essential to understand both the specifics of the law and the unique circumstances of each case.

Different Types of Reporting Laws

There are four primary categories of reporting laws, though these can vary by jurisdiction:

1. Injuries caused by weapons
2. Abuse, neglect, or exploitation of children
3. Abuse, neglect, or exploitation of vulnerable adults or elders
4. Situations involving other exposed individuals, such as younger siblings or dependents

For example, if a teen comes to you with a baby, your reporting obligations may extend to the child’s safety as well. Similarly, you may need to report if the teen’s younger sibling is in harm’s way, even if the teen themselves isn’t the primary focus. Each situation requires a careful assessment of who is at risk and the context surrounding the abuse or neglect.

Unintended Consequences of Reporting

While reporting is sometimes necessary, it’s important to be mindful of unintended consequences. I’m not suggesting we avoid reporting, but we need to consider the potential risks.

For LGBTQ+ teens, reporting can unintentionally out them to their family or school, potentially placing them in a life-threatening situation. Forced outing may make them feel unsafe, isolated, or at greater risk of harm. Similarly, teens of color face disproportionate representation in the child welfare system. Historically, children of color have been removed from their families at much higher rates than their white peers, creating additional trauma and systemic inequities.

Other fears teens express include:

• Fear of Child Protective Services (CPS) involvement
• Fear of police or legal action
• Fear of retaliation from their family or abuser

Some teens, especially those from undocumented families, worry about the implications for their family’s immigration status. Others might have had negative past experiences with authority figures, healthcare workers, or law enforcement, further compounding their fears.

For many, the idea of involving parents can feel worse than the abuse itself. I’ve had teens tell me, “If you tell my dad, it’ll be so much worse than what I’m already dealing with.” In such cases, family violence or abuse may already be present, adding layers of complexity to the reporting decision.

Shame and embarrassment are also common barriers to disclosure, particularly for teens who feel they’re at the mercy of adults making decisions about their lives. These factors highlight the importance of balancing legal obligations with compassion and careful judgment.

Things to Be Mindful of When Reporting

When reporting, consider the following:

• Impact: Who will be affected, and how?
• Biases: Are implicit biases influencing your decision?
• Harm Reduction: Assess the risks and benefits of reporting to ensure you minimize harm.

Consultation is invaluable. When I worked in a school, I often relied on colleagues to bounce ideas off of. Talking through a case can help you avoid rushing into a decision or missing something important.

When you must report, be honest with the teen. For older teens, I model transparency by saying, “Here’s what you told me. This is the information I’m required to share, and here’s who I’ll share it with.” For example: “You said it happened Saturday night after the football game, and you were sexually assaulted. That’s the information I’ll need to report.”

This approach ensures they’re not blindsided by a visit from CPS or law enforcement. It empowers them to understand the process and feel less helpless.

Should You Report?

Most situations aren’t clear-cut yes or no decisions. Some are obvious, but many require careful consideration. Here are a few examples to reflect on:

1. A gay teen discloses an abusive relationship with an older female partner, involving physical fights and name-calling.
   Questions to consider: How much older is the partner? Does the behavior meet the threshold for abuse or reporting in your jurisdiction?

2. A young teen reports living in a violent household with physical abuse, substance use, and a three-year-old sibling present.
   Here, the risks extend beyond the teen to their younger sibling. Assessing the safety of everyone in the household is critical.

3. A young male discloses that his female partner yells at him and makes him feel bad.
   This might not warrant reporting, but it’s worth exploring further to determine whether there’s a pattern of abuse or harm.

In each scenario, the key is to weigh the risks, consult when necessary, and prioritize the teen’s safety and well-being.

Safety Planning

When working with teens on safety planning, the process is similar to working with adults but requires adjustments to suit their developmental stage and unique needs. Safety plans should always be personalized and tailored to the individual. They can be handwritten, saved in their phone, or even verbalized. What’s most important is that the plan is memorable.

In high-stress or crisis situations, teens are unlikely to pull out a written safety plan. Instead, the conversations we’ve had and the tools we’ve discussed stay in their minds, helping them recall where to go or who to contact. For instance, a teen might suddenly remember they can go to Coach Johnson’s office because we talked about it during safety planning. This process lights up those mental connections and reinforces their support network.

Start by identifying priorities. Protect living things first, and create a list of people they can call. Review their support system, including friends, school staff, or trusted adults. Having a point of contact at school is often crucial since that’s where teens spend most of their time. This could be a teacher, coach, school counselor, or social worker.

If applicable, explore their faith or social communities. Teens may find support through a youth pastor, a trusted neighbor, or older relatives like cousins or siblings. While parents are often the first line of support, extended family members can also play a vital role in providing safety and guidance.

Safe spaces are equally important. Ask where they feel secure. While many teens say their room, encourage them to think of other places as well. I’ve had teens say they feel safe in the choir room or other familiar spaces at school. Knowing where they can retreat during difficult times is an essential part of the plan.

Ongoing safety assessments are critical. In addition to evaluating risks related to dating violence, assess for suicidal or homicidal ideations, as these risks often escalate in crisis situations.

Crisis Resources

It’s also important to prepare teens to access crisis resources quickly. Go over how to call 911, as even simple actions like locating the emergency button on a phone can feel overwhelming during a crisis. Some teens freeze, unsure whether to press the red button, type “911,” or use the emergency lock screen. Reviewing these steps in advance can make a big difference.

Provide additional resources like the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline and the teen-specific crisis text line (741741). For privacy, teens can save the number under a nondescript name like “Chris from Math Class” to avoid questions if someone looks through their phone.

Discuss online safety as well. Teens should change passwords if they’ve shared them with a partner or anyone else who might misuse them. While messages about not checking in or minimizing social media posts often go in one ear and out the other, repeating these points over time can help them sink in.

Finally, provide psychoeducation on laws and safety around sharing photos. This issue is prevalent, and while teens may not want to disclose whether it applies to them, giving them the information empowers them to make safer choices.

Examples of Safety Plans

Here’s an example of a safety plan for Braden. He identified his older cousin Erica as a key support, which is great, along with her mom. He also mentioned his favorite teacher, Miss Terry, as someone he could turn to for help.

We reviewed how to pull up emergency numbers on his phone. While this might seem basic, in a crisis, having practiced it can make all the difference. For crisis support, we identified his safe place: the teen LGBTQ+ center. Braden loves painting and playing Dungeons & Dragons, so we talked about how engaging with his D&D group chat could provide a positive distraction. Sending silly memes or connecting with the group is a small but meaningful way to cope.

We also addressed online safety. Braden changed the passwords for his Instagram and Snapchat accounts, which his boyfriend had previously accessed. Additionally, we discussed strategies for staying safe online, emphasizing the importance of privacy and protection.

Jessie’s safety plan followed a similar approach. Her support network included her mom, close friends, youth pastor, and volleyball coach. She saved crisis numbers like 911, the 988 lifeline, and the teen crisis text line (741741) on her phone.

For her safe place, Jessie chose her room, but we also explored other options. She listed coping skills that work for her, and we incorporated the same psychoeducation we provided to Braden. This included discussions on online safety and maintaining her privacy.

Why Safety Plans Matter

As you may notice, these safety plans include similar steps:

• Building a social support system
• Ensuring access to crisis numbers
• Identifying safe spaces
• Listing effective coping strategies
• Providing ongoing psychoeducation

The repetition is intentional. These steps reinforce critical tools and resources that teens might rely on during difficult moments. Most kids won’t pull out a written safety plan during a crisis. Instead, these conversations jog their memory when it matters most.

For example, if it’s a Saturday night and Jessie can’t reach her teacher or school counselor, she remembers she can text the crisis line or call a trusted friend. Similarly, Braden might think of his D&D group chat or the LGBTQ+ center when he’s feeling overwhelmed. Safety plans don’t just serve as lists—they create mental roadmaps, empowering teens to take action and access support when they need it.

Frequent Questions and Summary

One of the most common questions I receive during these trainings—especially over the past couple of years—is about how changes in laws or societal shifts are affecting clinicians, and whether these changes are relevant to teen dating violence.

This is a complex question, and the answer often depends on the state you’re in. It’s clear that many of us are grappling with this issue in various ways. The challenge lies in holding space for clients experiencing feelings of powerlessness. For example, when teens express frustration or fear about things beyond their control, it’s important to acknowledge their struggles without pretending we can solve them.

Sometimes, safety plans will need to be adapted to these circumstances. I may adjust how much I document or carefully consider the wording I use, always keeping the teen’s safety and privacy in mind. My focus in these situations often shifts to being present—holding space for their fear, uncertainty, and vulnerability. As clinicians, it can be difficult to sit with the reality that we can’t always provide immediate solutions, but the act of being there is powerful in itself.

Another frequent question I get is how therapists or clinicians with personal experiences of intimate partner violence (IPV) or family violence can use their history to help teens. This is an important topic, and I want to emphasize a few key points.

First, maintaining boundaries is essential. Each of us will have different relationships with the teens we serve, and it’s crucial to know what aspects of our history are relevant to the session. For instance, I once worked in a small town outside New Orleans, where everyone seemed to know everyone else. Many of the teens I saw were connected to teachers or counselors at their school. While I wasn’t from that area and didn’t share a history with them, some of my colleagues did. In those cases, maintaining professional boundaries became even more critical to avoid overstepping or bringing personal history into the session unnecessarily.

Second, use personal insight wisely. Remembering yourself as a young person can provide valuable perspective. For example, when discussing social media, I often reflect on how invincible I felt as a teen. If someone had warned me not to overshare on MySpace or similar platforms, I probably wouldn’t have listened. Now, with hindsight, I can frame my advice in a way that feels relatable rather than preachy.

Third, model resilience and recovery. Teens often assume that adults in helping roles have perfect lives and have never faced challenges. By normalizing the human experience, we show them that growth and healing are possible. For instance, acknowledging that everyone makes mistakes or faces struggles helps break down unrealistic expectations and creates a space for openness and connection.

As we close, I want to leave you with this: Continuous growth is a lifelong journey, both as individuals and as clinicians. Whether it’s examining our biases, reflecting on how our personal history shapes us, or finding ways to strengthen our practice, growth is about more than avoiding blame or shame. It’s about striving to be better for ourselves and the people we serve.

Ask yourself:

• How does my history impact who I am?
• How does it shape me as a clinician, a healthcare worker, a partner, or a member of society?

These reflections help us stay grounded in our work and support our ongoing evolution as professionals. By embracing growth, we can better serve our clients and make a meaningful difference in their lives.

References

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2019). Understanding teen dating violence: Fact sheet. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/tdv-factsheet.pdf

Font, S. A., Berger, L. M., & Slack, K. S. (2012). Examining racial disproportionality in child protective services case decisions. Children and Youth Services Review, 34(11), 2188–2200. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.childyouth.2012.07.012

Foshee, V., McNaughton Reyes, H., Chen, M., Ennett, S., Basile, K., DeGue, S., Vivolo Kantor, A., Moracco, K., & Bowling, J. (2016). Shared risk factors for the perpetration of physical dating violence, bullying, and sexual harassment among adolescents exposed to domestic violence. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 45(4), 672–686. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10964-015-0404-z 

Gillis, K. (2021). Invisible bruises: Understanding and breaking the patterns of domestic violence. Lisa Nicole Publishing.

Harland, K. K., Vakkalanka, J. P., Peek-Asa, C., & Saftlas, A. F. (2021). State-level teen dating violence education laws and teen dating violence victimization in the USA: A cross-sectional analysis of 36 states. Injury Prevention, 27(3), 257–263. https://doi.org/10.1136/injuryprev-2020-043960

Pastor-Bravo, M. D. M., Vargas, E., & Medina-Maldonado, V. (2023). Strategies to prevent and cope with adolescent dating violence: A qualitative study. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 20(3), 2355. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph20032355

Rochford, H. I., Peek-Asa, C., Abbott, A., Estin, A., & Harland, K. (2022). United States' teen dating violence policies: Summary of policy element variation. Journal of Public Health Policy, 43(4), 503–514. https://doi.org/10.1057/s41271-022-00365-7

Taquette, S. R., & Monteiro, D. L. M. (2019). Causes and consequences of adolescent dating violence: A systematic review. Journal of Injury & Violence Research, 11(2), 137–147. https://doi.org/10.5249/jivr.v11i2.1061

The Trevor Project. (2021, February 12). Physical dating violence and suicide risk among LGBTQ youth. The Trevor Project. Retrieved from https://www.thetrevorproject.org/research-briefs/physical-dating-violence-and-suicide-risk-among-lgbtq-youth/

Zaza, S., Kann, L., & Barrios, L. C. (2016). Lesbian, gay, and bisexual adolescents: Population estimate and prevalence of health behaviors. JAMA, 316(22), 2355–2356. https://doi.org/10.1001/jama.2016.14741

Additional Current References 

Please Note: The following resources have been included for members to view additional resources associated with this topic area. These resources were not used by the presenter when creating this course.

Ackard, D. M., & Eisenberg, M. E. (2024). Verbal, physical, and sexual dating violence among a population-based sample of teens: Does exposure to intimate partner violence in the home account for the association between dating violence and mental health? Child Abuse & Neglect, 147, Article 106581. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2023.106581

Brewer, N. Q., Thomas, K. A., & Guadalupe-Diaz, X. (2024). “It’s their consent you have to wait for”: Intimate partner violence and BDSM among gender and sexual minority youth. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 39(1–2), 35–58. https://doi.org/10.1177/08862605231193445

Dasgupta, S., & Melvin, E. (2024). Technology-based intimate partner violence intervention services for Generation Z victims of violence. Social Sciences, 13(3), Article 169. https://doi.org/10.3390/socsci13030169

Hubbell, J. T. (2024). Elucidating intimate partner violence rate disparities between same- and opposite-sex couples: A demographic approach. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 39(3–4), 651–675. https://doi.org/10.1177/08862605231197781

Nydegger, L. A., Blanco, L., Marti, C. N., & Kreitzberg, D. (2024). Moderation effects of gender on the association between intimate partner violence and suicidal ideation or attempt among adolescents: A secondary analysis of the 2017 YRBS. Archives of Suicide Research, 28(1), 310–323. https://doi.org/10.1080/13811118.2023.2173112