Question
How does shame affect an individual's perception of themselves and their relationships with others?
Answer
Shame creates a distorted lens through which individuals perceive themselves and their experiences. It instills a profound sense of isolation and self-blame, making it difficult for individuals to work through their struggles. This pervasive sense of separateness and loneliness persists even in the presence of loved ones. Shame hinders authentic relationships by fostering fear of vulnerability, fear of being seen, and feelings of unworthiness of love and connection. As a result, individuals suppress their emotions, exacerbating their sense of isolation.
Societal conditioning and oppression further complicate this experience, varying across different identities and communities. For example, women might feel shame for expressing anger, while men might feel shame for showing sadness or fear. Shame can be paralyzing, preventing self-reflection and change and reinforcing dysfunctional beliefs and behaviors. The belief that one is inherently flawed makes it challenging to engage in self-examination. This secrecy and self-concealment prevent individuals from seeking help and gaining perspective outside the distorted lens of shame. Expressions of grandiosity and arrogance can often mask underlying shame, making it difficult to recognize and address.
This Ask the Expert is an edited excerpt from the webinar, Unpacking, Transforming and Healing Shame: Clinical Interventions for Mental Health Practitioners, presented by Shira Sameroff, MSW, LCSW
