Growing Human(E) Beings - A Job of Superheroes!, in partnership with Region 9 Head Start Association

Editor’s note: This text-based course is an edited transcript of the webinar, Growing Human(E) Beings - A Job of Superheroes!, in partnership with Region 9 Head Start Association, presented by Julie Kurtz, MS.

Learning Outcomes

After this course, participants will be able to:

• Identify the difference between a challenging behavior and trauma trigger.
• Identify 1-2 key strategies to use when all children or adults are in their reptile brain.
• Identify 1-2 key strategies to use when all children or adults are in their mammal brain.
• Identify 1-2 key strategies to use when all children or adults are in their CEO brain.

Introduction

I want to start off by casting the spotlight of your attention to this title, Growing Human(E) Beings - A Job of Superheroes! If any of us have any responsibility to be around children as educators, parents, caregivers, foster parents, or any role we have at all, we are tasked with the responsibility of growing humans to be humane. Many of us at different times in our life say, "I just wish the planet was a kinder, more loving place to be." So what we're going to talk about today is when we raise children, how we can raise them to be humane beings with optimal brain integration. But this is a job of superheroes and every superhero like Superman has superpowers and kryptonite. We'll talk a little bit about that today too.

Most of you are helpers and somewhere in your lifetime, you thought, "I'm really good at helping people, this is a superpower I have." One of the things we're going to touch on today is, "With great power (of being a helper) comes great responsibility," said Spiderman, another superhero. But with that responsibility, it means we have to have a balance of both caring for ourselves and others so we keep our superpowers really strong. We have a lot of self-awareness and we know what parts of the brain the child is in and what parts of the brain that we're in. So let's talk about all of that today.

Today I want to help you understand the difference between just a typical challenging behavior and one that's related to the neurobiology of trauma, a child who has experienced trauma versus a child who has typical challenging behavior. You'll also learn about three parts of the brain that we are going to call the reptile, mammal, and CEO. You are going to learn a few key strategies after you are able to identify when a child is in their reptile brain, what strategies I can use; when a child is in their mammal brain, what strategies can I use; and when a child is actually calm and regulated, how I can build their CEO or Chief Executive Officer, that executive part of the brain. Then at some point, you'll realize, wow, this is true for my spouse, my partner, my colleagues, and my supervisor. It will be applicable to all human beings that you come in contact with every day.

Data

• Almost half the nation’s children have experienced at least one or more types of serious childhood trauma.
  • National Survey of Children’s Health, www.childhealthdata.org/learn/NSCH
• 67% of adults experienced trauma before the age of 18.
  • Adverse Childhood Experiences Study – Kaiser Permanente
• The National Comorbidity Survey (NCS) found that 60.7% of males and 51.2% of females aged 14 to 24 in the United States reported exposure to one or more traumatic events.  
  • Kessler et al., 1995

Did you know that 50% of the children in the United States have experienced trauma? That's actually before the age of eight. As children get older into middle school and high school, the numbers go up to 70%. Any time you walk into a store: Walmart, Target, a grocery store, any place you walk into, even a classroom full of teachers, on average, 67% of those adults around you have experienced one trauma before the age of 18. It is a matter of life and death that we think about adding to our toolbox of superpowers. How do you help children who've experienced trauma?

Brain Architecture

Figure 1. Brain architecture.

Let's take a tour of your brain. In figure 1 you can see several things I will be discussing. There are three key parts I want to teach you today: the reptile, the mammal, and the CEO or the executive part of your brain. If you touch the base of your neck, that's roughly around where the reptile brain is located. The scientific term is the hindbrain, but today we're going to call it the reptile brain because you share this with all reptiles on the planet. This part of your brain is responsible for five F words. Probably another one I'll tell you a little bit later, it might be six, but the three big F words that I want you to think about today are: fight, flight, and freeze. The first three F words I want to teach you about is that your reptile brain is specifically designed to determine whether you are in a life-threatening situation and to mobilize one of the F words, and to save your life. It will increase your heart rate, your breathing, your blood pressure, dilate your pupils, and it will get you to a safe place immediately.

I'm from California, and an example that I give is that if there was an earthquake right now and the ceiling started crumbling down, that would be considered a life-threatening emergency. Immediately the reptile would come out with its red cape, with its F word saying, we need to fight, flight, and freeze to save Julie's life. Immediately what we're trained to do for earthquakes is to get under a table or under a doorway so we mobilize that immediately.

Here's an example that may be more relatable to you depending on if you drive. If you actually drive a car and someone cut you off on the freeway, within a nanosecond your heart starts racing, your pupils dilate, your blood pressure increases, and all the energy goes to your limbs in order to swerve out of the way immediately, flight. Thank you reptile brain for saving our lives every day. We need you for emergencies.

Now if a baby was born on the planet right now and I handed this crying baby to you, can you think of why the baby's reptile brain would be in this total survival fear mode? I just gave you a baby and you are the nicest person on the planet. You are not dangerous. Why is the baby always crying? Wherever you're sitting right now, just look around, and could you imagine being given this baby right now? The baby just came to the planet for the first time. Look around and say to yourself, "Well, what would be scary?" Most people say to me, "Everything." That's the right answer. You might have said something like the lights, the window, that plant over there, that frame, me, my jacket, or the TV. All of these things trigger the reptile part of the new infant's brain to fight, flight, and freeze because everything is new and everything is deemed dangerous by the child's reptile brain when they're born on this planet for the first time.

Over the course of time with nurturing responsive caregiving, the reptile brain starts to calm. This is the only part of the brain that's lit up for the first two years of the baby's life. Reptile is the only part of the brain that's super-active. So the reptile brain sees new things and gets scared, but over time the reptile brain goes, oh, I've seen that crib so many times, it's not scary, I know that's not going to hurt me. So I don't cry on my crib and I don't cry on my stuffed animals. When my caregiver comes in, I don't cry because they are so nice to me all the time. Over the course of time, my reptile brain starts to calm down and doesn't need to cry over everything. Oh, but wait, Aunt Susie just came. I've never met her, she's visiting from Massachusetts. Oh my goodness, she just walked into my room. Cry, cry, cry, reptile brain gets triggered into fight mode. Now the only F word a baby can exemplify is fight. They can't run away and babies can freeze under immense trauma. Most babies fight by crying, so when Aunty comes from Massachusetts and the baby has never seen Aunty before, the baby starts crying uncontrollably. Then the baby sees Aunty hug Mama. It says, oh, maybe Aunty is not dangerous. Then Aunty starts making goo-goo eyes and funny faces. Then Aunty has been there 24 hours. Oh my goodness, I'm tired of crying and Aunty doesn't seem that dangerous. When Aunty comes close to me, I get a little scared. Over time this whole week, I now want Aunty to hold me. That's how the baby's reptile brain works.

Here's what happens. In order to calm the reptile brain over the first two years of the infant's life, the baby needs nurturing responsive caregiving. It develops an internal narrative, such as, I'm not dangerous, everything is safe and predictable, and I have nurturing responsive caregivers that meet my needs. Eventually, when I cry, they come running. I don't need to cry as much.  I only need to cry when it's a big emergency.

Around the age of two, the reptile part of the infant's brain kind of goes into hibernation and sleep. Right above the reptile brain, in between the mammal or limbic brain and the reptile brain, is something called the amygdala. It's an almond-shaped piece. Look at Figure 1 on the brain visual to see where it is located. The amygdala is your built-in smoke detector. It needs no battery replacement. It is designed so its one job description is to send smoke signals when it decides there's an emergency. This reptile part of the infant's brain goes to sleep or hibernation. It says to the amygdala or the smoke detector, wake me up when you need me.

Then around the age of two-years-old, the mammal brain wakes up. The scientific term is the limbic brain. Remember with the reptile brain I talked about the three F words: fight, flight, freeze. That's the reptile's job description. The amygdala or the smoke detector sends signals to shut down everything in the brain and the body, except the necessary motor regulation functions to fight, flight, or freeze, but now that part of the brain is sleeping. All I want you to remember is that the mammal part of the brain wakes up around the age of two, only if you had that nurturing, responsive, predictable caregiving. The mammal brain wakes up and it is responsible for two things I want you to remember today. Emotions, small, medium, and large; and attachment, otherwise known as attunement, connection, significance, belonging, inclusion. This human desire wakes up to belong and be included. When you are around two, you are attached to your caregivers, then maybe you develop an attachment to someone else in a child development center, then you develop an attachment to objects like blankies or stuffed animals. Then you get a little older and you start to develop your circle of friends, then you get to be a teenager and you don't want your family anymore and you just want all your friends around. Then you come back to your family later. Your circle of attachment changes throughout your lifetime.

The mammal brain that we share with all mammals on the planet is responsible for attachment and emotions. Here is an example. Let's say, Cynthia is four-years-old. Dad picks her up at your child development center and takes her to the store and they go shopping for food for dinner. The teachers had said she did great today. Dad was so lucky that she did so well for this grocery shopping expedition. Now they are standing in line and there are two people ahead of them. Cynthia tugs her dad's sweater and says, "Dad, can I have a candy bar?" He replies, "No sweetheart, you can't have a candy bar." She says, "Why daddy? I really want a candy bar." Dad says, "Well, sugar is not good for you before we have dinner. It's four o'clock and we're going home to make dinner. So the answer is no, don't ask me again."

Now let's look at what happens inside Cynthia's brain. Inside of her mammal brain, an emotional button is pushed. Her emotions rise from green (calm) to orange (moderately dysregulated) to red. When her emotions rise to the red zone, the smoke detector goes off, sending smoke signals to the upper part of the brain. The upstairs brain shuts down immediately and wakes up the reptile brain. The reptile brain comes out with its super red cape with its three F words saying, "I've been watching this situation and I've been studying your dad for four years. I know exactly what to do to get the candy bar." Now reptile has no ability to discern moral reasoning and no ability to logically think through a problem. It only comes out when the smoke detector comes out and it lets loose one of the fight, flight, or freeze. Reptile says to Cynthia, "Don't worry, sweetheart, I've been watching your dad for four years and I've been watching this situation. I know exactly what to do." Reptile advises the F word, fight. "I want you to knock over all the candy bars, Cynthia. Knock them over now. Step on one, kick one, fall to the floor and scream with the highest pitch tone you possibly can." So she does it. Her reptile brain has now hijacked her. Whenever we get hijacked by a reptile brain, we always hurt others or self or property. Now she's screaming with the highest-pitched tone.

Let's look at what happens inside Dad's brain. Dad sees this horrifying situation. There is a woman in front of him whispering under her breath, "Honey, I'd spank my child if I were you. You need to get her under control." Another woman off in the distance is looking at him with empathy and a little bit of sympathy. "I'm so sorry," she whispers, "I know how hard it is." He starts sweating and his heart starts racing. Sweat is dripping from his armpits. He is shaking and he is humiliated. He thinks, "Oh my god, my child is a spoiled little brat." His emotions in his mammal brain rise from that green calm zone to moderate dysregulation to that zone that we all can get to, which is called red. His smoke detector goes off. Everything else in the body and brain shuts down. Immediately smoke signals are sent to the reptile part of Dad's brain. We need you now, it's an emergency. Reptile comes out. You can just picture reptile with its red cape with the five F words. You only know three right now: fight, flight, freeze.

Let's act out fight, what a parent or dad would look like when they get hijacked by their reptile brain and reptile advises to fight. He gets down to Cynthia on the floor and he starts pointing to her. He says, "If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about." Maybe he grabs her arm and squeezes it a little bit and says, "I'm going to take everything away until you're 30. Your LOLs and your iPads and your video games and your fire truck and your dolls, everything you own. Do you understand me? If you don't stop this right now? He may even start threatening her, "You're such a little brat. You're spoiled." This is where when parents get hijacked into their reptile fight brain, they are just one reptile trying to calm another reptile and using things like threatening, bribes, criticizing, shaming, even terrifying our children with words. The worst-case scenario is spanking and hitting. These are the kinds of things that parents do when they default unconsciously and automatically to their reptile brain. We are going to talk eventually about how you keep yourself from being hijacked and how you bring your child back online using these optimal brain integrated strategies.

Let's act out freeze. Many of you when you default to stress and your reptile brain goes off, you go to freeze mode. I tend to go to fight mode, not freeze, but a friend of mine described what freeze feels like to her when she is with her children. She said, "Julie, all the blood rushes from my limbs, all the thoughts escape from my mind, and I become frozen and numb like an iceberg. I don't even hear my child anymore and I become shut down and completely disconnected." So if dad was in freeze mode, he'd be holding onto the cart, staring out into space while everyone is looking at him thinking, "What is wrong with this person? Why is he not doing anything? Why is he just standing there in a zombie phase?" Many of us as parents freeze and when we do that, we are also not building an optimally integrated brain. We are not seizing the moment to help the child and to teach the child, which we will learn about very soon.

Now let's say Dad goes into flight mode. That is the parent that wants to escape this horrible situation and gets down to his daughter and says, "Take the candy bar, Cynthia. Run, run. Let's get out of Target now." He picks her up and they run out of Target. He ultimately, in a state of panic hijacked by his reptile flight brain, takes the candy bar, gives it to her, steals it, and runs out of the store to escape the situation.

All of us go to reptile brain as adults when we are with children and we are triggered emotionally. We have to think about how to parent and raise children thinking about these three parts of the brain. Being an investigator and wondering, what part of my brain is my child in? Always when a child is fighting, flighting, or freezing, they are hurting themselves, others, or property. When a child is in their mammal brain, they are doing something else. I will show you some ways to identify what part of the brain the child is in, but usually, it's really emotional. This is what it looks like for Cynthia. This is how Dad knows she is not in reptile brain anymore because she's not destroying the property, yelling, and screaming when he gets down to her level.

Let's have Dad do it in a healthy way this time. Dad gets down to her level and he sees she is in reptile brain, and he says, "Sweetheart, you're so upset right now. I'm so sorry you're going through this. You're really upset." She says back to him, "Shut up, Daddy, I hate you, and I wish you were dead." This is a very vulnerable moment for Dad. He could go up to his CEO and logically handle this or he can get hijacked once again by his reptile brain. If he gets hijacked by his reptile brain, he gets down to her level and says, "Don't you dare speak to me that way." Now it's just two reptiles dealing with each other once again.

Let me quickly share with you what the CEO part of the brain is, and then let's bring us back to this story about how Dad can handle it differently. The Chief Executive Officer (CEO), the prefrontal cortex, walk up the staircase to the top of your brain almost if you touch your forehead. The executive brain, also known as the Chief Executive Officer, the boss, or the air traffic control system, is responsible for logical reasoning, impulse control, empathy, perspective-taking, problem-solving, and self-regulation.

Does anyone know how long it takes to raise a human to be humane where they have a fully integrated brain and are aware of when the reptile brain wants to take over? When their emotions are rising up, but they've got such a strong, well-developed CEO that they will not allow this moment to be hijacked by reptile? Do you know how long it takes? Mid-20s, give or take, depending on if the child has mental health vulnerabilities, disabilities, special needs, or trauma history. All of those things can sometimes change that average of 25 years, but it takes 25 years. Did anyone ever tell you that there are 1440 minutes in a day, and each one of those days multiplied by 25 years is the amount of time it takes to grow a human to be humane? It doesn't happen from punishing, yelling, screaming, threatening, offering stickers, and doing reptile strategies with your child. It comes from doing this.

Dad is trying to be kind and calm her down, and hears her say, "I hate you daddy and I wish you're dead." Instead, he says, "Oh, sweetheart, I think what you're trying to say is you are so upset. You didn't get that candy bar and it really made you mad." We know Dad finally calms Cynthia's reptile brain because she says, "But Daddy, I just never got one thing my whole life, not one thing ever." In another moment, Dad could be hijacked by reptile. A reptile would look like this. "Are you serious you've never got one thing in your whole life? Let me show you a picture on my phone of your bedroom and all the toys that you have. And you know what, children are living on $2 a day around the world, most kids. Do you even know how much you have now?" He's just reptiling her, which only is going to make her more dysregulated. Instead, he says, "Sweetie, you are so sad right now and you are so frustrated. When I don't get what I want, I feel that way sometimes too, but we're going to get through this together. Do you want me to give you a hug?" Emotions never stay dysregulated, they always come down. Because of Dad's calm, nurturing, responsive caregiving, calm tone and voice, regulated behavior, and not being hijacked by his reptile brain and not threatening her, she starts to calm down.

This is what happens for children. I call the mammal and the reptile (the downstairs brain) the gang because it gangs together to hijack you into fight, flight, or freeze if you don't have a strong CEO, which is that conductor. So Cynthia starts to calm down and Dad says, "Sweetie, it looks like you are calm now. Are you ready to go?" She replies, "Yes, Daddy, I want to go, please." Dad says, "Well before we go, we have to do something. What do you think it is?" Cynthia says, "I don't know." A reptile brain strategy, which is not recommended, would be, "You darn well do know, look around, are you stupid?" That's just going to trigger her more. This shows the vulnerable moments that Dad has to go back to reptile brain. It's so hard to keep your CEO on line. Instead, the healthy dad who is not hijacked by a reptile and has a strong CEO in that moment takes a deep breath and says, "Let me help you, sweetie. It's hard to think when all of this just happened. You have a choice. You can clean up the candy bars yourself or I can help you. Which one do you choose?"

Boom. Neurosynaptic connecters shoot up to the CEO and start to activate this part of Cynthia's brain. She has to think, she has to regulate, and she has to problem-solve. She says, "Daddy, will you help me?" Dad replies, "Yes, that's a good solution, I'll help you." Dad helps her. But our job doesn't stop here. When Dad walks her out of Target, he successfully helped calm the reptile, calm the mammal, and helped her use her CEO to think of a solution and take responsibility for her actions. Walking out of the store he says to her, "Sweetie, I'm so proud of you." She responds, "Why Daddy, why are you proud of me?" Dad says, "I'm proud of you because you calmed your body down and you talked to me about how you felt. Once you were calm, you thought of a solution that didn't hurt others, yourself, or property. You took responsibility for your actions and you are a problem-solver." He gives her a high-five.

Now she records in her internal narrative something really deep which is, I know how to calm my body down, it's okay to talk about feelings, I'm a problem-solver. All that would not have happened if Dad yelled or threatened or pinched or spanked or tried to offer stickers. None of those things build the CEO. In this moment of Dad being healthy, he helped the neurosynaptic connectors go through the brain - the reptile, the mammal, and the CEO - in a way that would give her one moment of using her brain in an integrated way.

Challenging Behavior versus Trauma

• What is a trauma reminder/trigger?
• How is trauma stored in the body?
• What is the difference between a challenging behavior and a trauma reminder/trigger?
• Why don’t you need to know if there is a history of trauma? 

Before we move on, I want to talk to you about trauma because what I just told you is all children have challenging behavior till they're 25. It takes that long to build a strong enough CEO where you will have things trigger you throughout the day and you'll be so self-aware that your CEO can take over and help you use some self-regulation strategies to bring you back in that green/calm zone and not allow you to be hijacked where you're going to hurt others, yourself, or property.

With trauma, I have to take you to the North Pole where we are going to study polar bears. We are flying in a helicopter and we spot a polar bear. The helicopter starts to chase it down and you shoot with a tranquilizer gun. We get out, we study the polar bear and get back in the helicopter, but I poke you with my elbow and say, "Look at that. What's the polar bear doing?" When the helicopter was chasing the polar bear, we shot it with a tranquilizer while it was in that reptile flight. So when the polar bear wakes up it shakes uncontrollably and lets out a huge outbreath. When they experience traumatic events, that's how animals in the animal kingdom release it from their brains and bodies.

How does this happen for children?  Here's an example. I'm having a barbecue right now, but I turn my head and I see my three-year-old drowning in the pool. I run to the pool, dive-in, pick her up, and pull her out of the pool. She's shaking, crying, panting, and telling me the story. I tell her, "It's okay." I hold her and say, "Breathe with me. Breathe-in, breathe-out." I calm her down. All day she tells me the story and I listen because I know that's a part of healing. She draws pictures about it. At night she's going over what happened. I tell the child development center the next day. They said, "Thank you for telling us. She wouldn't go near the water all day and she was drawing pictures of what happened to her.

When children experience a traumatic event, this is how they heal from that trauma. They have to shake, cry, talk, and express themselves nonverbally or verbally. If they don't get the opportunity to do this and release it from their body like the polar bear or the child who talks, cries, draws, and communicates verbally or nonverbally, then it's about a three-month window after a traumatic event where the trauma gets stored in your body. The trauma, energy, or trigger gets stored in the reptile part of your brain and time-stamped like a passport stamp. This is significant because it gets stored in your body and develops this series of neurosynaptic connectors around that trauma trigger. It's time-stamped in your body in your reptile part of your brain. Then it develops neurosynaptic pathways all the way up. It's like this highway connected back down to that old traumatic experience. It's just waiting for something in the present moment to trigger you into that reminder back when you had that traumatic experience.

Let me give you an example. You have a child development center and there are six kids eating lunch at one table. One of the girls, Maria, has food scarcity in her home. She has seven siblings and she is the youngest. They never have food at their table. The children are hungry all the time. When their parent does bring home a little bit of food and throws it on the table, the older, stronger kids always get it before Maria, but you don't know this history. Maria is sitting at the table with her friends and she's fine. You bring over cheese quesadillas, and say, "No need to fight over these when they're gone, there are 450 more. If you want one just tell me." Now Maria is still fine, but she sees there's one more quesadilla left. Right before she even moves her arm to grab it, her friend, Mark, grabs it before she does. Immediately that present moment situation triggers what we call a trauma trigger or a trauma response. It was something that happened in the present moment that reminds her of trauma that she has experienced. It goes down the highway of memory lane, the neurosynaptic connectors all the way down to that stored time-stamped trauma trigger. In the reptile brain, it releases toxic stress chemicals through the body and triggers the amygdala (the smoke detector in her brain) to say, "You are in immediate danger." It shuts down all other parts of the brain and Maria gets hijacked by her reptile brain who immediately advises her to dive across the table, punch Mark in the face, pull his hair, and even bite him. The teacher turns around and says, "What's wrong with you? We don't treat our friends that way. You want me to call your mother? You need to go to timeout." The teacher's words and all the threats scare her even more and her brain says she is in more danger, and she gets even more triggered. The neurobiology of a trauma trigger is when a child has a present moment memory that goes down that memory lane and down the neural pathways or highway, to some past stored trauma, and tells the body that they are in danger when they are really not.

I have a trauma history, which is why I do this work all over the country. I've written and co-authored a book on trauma-informed practices for early childhood providers. Here is an example of what happened to me when I was in my 20s. I was driving in the car with the man I'm now married to, and I was dating him back then. We were taking a road trip from central California to Northern California to go to a wedding together. What you don't know is a lot of my traumatic experiences with my father happened in the car on road trips, vacations, holidays, or birthdays. On this day, the car ran out of gas while we were driving and kind of puttered off to the side of the road. I didn't know this then, but I know now that my body completely went into the F word freeze. I turned to my boyfriend, now my husband, and said, "Are you going to hit me?" He looked at me like I was an alien from outer space. Who says that? What are you? What you're saying doesn't even make any sense? Can you see how whether you're a child or an adult, trauma has a long-term adverse impact on you socially, emotionally, physically, spiritually, or mentally?

A trauma trigger or reminder occurs when things in the present moment go down the memory lane stored in our body down to past stored trauma of something that happened to us. It releases the toxic chemicals and makes our body respond in fight, flight, or freeze. The difference between a challenging behavior and a trauma reminder/trigger is a child with a typical challenging behavior and no trauma histories has emotions rise up, goes to the red zone, they hijack their brain because it's immature, and they fight, flight, or freeze. A child with a trauma history may have the same thing happen, but when it's related to the pushing of a button of a trauma reminder, the child does the same thing, goes to fight, flight, freeze, and gets hijacked by their reptile brain. The behaviors look similar and the strategies are all the same. Let's talk more about this.

Figure 2.  Brain Scan.

Figure 2 is a photo of a brain heat-map or a brain scan. The brain on the left is a healthy brain that has not experienced trauma. The brain on the right is one that has experienced abuse and trauma. The red areas are the most active in this brain, then the orange, then yellow, then green, and the black areas are the least active. The bottom of the brain is the reptile, the middle is the mammal, and the top is the CEO. Take a moment and think, if I were interacting with an adult with the left healthy brain, how would they respond if I do something to trigger them emotionally into the red zone of their emotions? Now think about someone with the right brain, the one that's experienced trauma. If they were triggered emotionally or had a trauma trigger, what kinds of behaviors might you see? Or when you look at the photos, what do you notice about the reptile mammal and CEO?

Look at the brain that is healthy. The three parts are lit up. It looks like they have neurosynaptic connectors and they are all speaking to one another. The CEO at the top is the most lit up part of the brain. It looks like it's got such a strong boss/CEO/air traffic control system that it'd be very likely that this adult when having buttons pushed has a lot of self-regulation strategies to calm their body down and think of a solution that's for the greater good and will do the least harm before they react.

The right brain, on the other hand, you can see has a history of trauma. The downstairs brain, the mammal and reptile, also known as that gang that hijacks you, has no neurosynaptic connectors up to the CEO. So they don't speak to one another and the CEO is very weak. This is an adult or even a child that will be hijacked over and over, and quickly if they fight a lot, it will go from zero to 100 in a second and find it hard to come back. If they freeze a lot, they'll shut down for hours. If they flight, they'll slam the doors, walk away, and run.

You can see the difference between the two brains, but I will tell you that there is hope. There is something called neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity can actually help rewire the brain. I can tell you from personal experience that I have done a lot of work on myself, and I believe my brain looks like that healthy brain now. You can always rewire the brain of a child and an adult.

The number one, most important strategy to help children heal from trauma, to help children build resilience, and to grow children who are humane is to put on your own oxygen mask first. It's called self-care. Self-care is identified as self-regulation of one's own emotions. It's the ability to be aware of your own brain and what's happening. For example, I need to have enough self-care before I go work with children so that my emotional gas tank is full. Here's another example. Remember Dad in the store with Cynthia. If Dad had a horrible week and didn't replenish his energy with self-care or things that fill his emotional gas tank back up, he is going to be more likely to go to his reptile brain with his daughter, but if Dad's gas tank emotionally is full from proactive self-care strategies, then when Cynthia has reptilian brain behaviors, he will have enough emotional reserves to be able to deal with that. It's kind of like this. When I'm driving on the freeway and someone cuts me off, if I go to my reptile brain, I would hang out the window, swear, flip them off, and then just pray that nobody from my social-emotional or trauma training saw me. However, I have a very different way of being in the world when my emotional gas tank is full and that person cuts me off on the freeway. In that case, here's how I act. "Oh, sweetheart, go ahead. We're all brothers and sisters in the world. We're all connected in spirit. When you gain I gain."

As a superhero raising children to be humane, you can see how important this concept of self-awareness and self-care is. You need enough emotional reserves every day to provide the necessary regulation to calm children down from their downstairs brain and to teach them upstairs CEO brain strategies and to not default to punishing.

Another strategy that you can use to create this pause button so that you don't default knee-jerk react in your reptile brain with the child is to take time to see the meaning behind the child's behavior.

Figure 3. Goldfish.

Figure 3 shows a picture of a goldfish underneath the water, but there's a shark fin strapped to it, which is what happens to children temporarily when they're hijacked by their downstairs brain. The shark fin comes out. Sometimes all we see as adults is that shark fin behavior that causes us anxiety and we want to make it stop. Ways that we make it stop is to default to our reptile brain and start threatening, taking things away, bribing, criticizing, and punishing to make it stop instead of being an investigator and saying, "What's this a case of?" 

All Behavior is Communication

Dysregulated Typical Child Reactions

• Gain something or someone
• Avoid something or someone
• Express a sensation or emotion

Trauma Trigger

• I feel unsafe and my reptile brain is taking over to fight, flight or freeze to protect me from my perceived danger

Typical challenging behaviors communicate they want to gain someone or something, avoid someone or something, or express an emotion. The fourth meaning of a child's behavior is when it is actually a trauma trigger.  In this case, the behavior is always communicating that I feel unsafe and scared. Until we get really good at knowing when a child has challenging behavior what they're communicating, then we can't really help them if we are just reacting and punishing and threatening. We are not teaching them and growing those three parts of the brain.

Young children who experience trauma see the world as a dangerous place almost all day. Their stress response systems are continually activated and communicating to their own self that they are not safe. They are frequently in fight (like a lion), in flight (like a rocket ship), or freeze (like a snowflake). We need to interpret the behavior as a strength where the child is protecting themselves so that they feel safe again.

Signs and Strategies

Signs a Child is in the Reptile Brain (Fight, Flight, or Freeze)

• Hurting others
• Hurting themselves
• Destroying property
• Yelling and screaming
• Swearing
• Crying or tantrums
• Threatening
• Bullying
• Shut down or dissociative (out of it or in another world)
• The child appears frozen or without words
• The child is running away
• The child is hiding, avoiding, or escaping a situation
• Can’t listen to instructions, guidance or words
• Is not responsive to redirection

How can we tell when a child is in the reptile brain? They are either hurting themselves, others, or property. They are yelling, swearing, throwing tantrums, bullying, or they are shutting down, that's like the freeze. They are frozen or are running away. They are hiding, avoiding, or escaping. They definitely cannot listen to instructions and they can't regulate. They are not responsive, can't have focal attention, and can't listen to you. When a child is in the reptile brain there are many things you can do or say to a child. Before we go over them, let me remind you of when I handed you that infant at the beginning of this course. Let's go back. That baby is wailing and crying. What do you do to calm the baby down? Most of you will say, "I'll rock it and I'll hum to it. I'll say, 'You're safe, it's okay.' I talk in a soft tone and I check their diaper. I check to see if they're hungry. I check to see if they're tired." Remember those strategies because this is exactly what you're going to do with a child.

Things to Do or Say When a Child is in Their Reptile Brain

• Be still with the child using minimal words and just be present, letting them “borrow” your calm state
• Send a gentle message, “You are safe, you are here with me now”
• Walk or sit with the child
• Match the level (if they are sitting see if they can tolerate you sitting with them, if they are needing to walk see if you can walk with them, if they are shutdown tell them you see them and will be nearby when they are ready). It depends on how the child will tolerate you in their space – will it be comforting or dysregulating? Make sure not to send a message of abandonment (an example would be just walking away and leaving them there with no words)
• Ask if they want to walk with you over to the safe space or calming zone in the room
• Use a calm, neutral voice
• Use few words of direction and correction
• Don’t problem solve as their cortex is not accessible at this time
• Let the child know you are here when they are ready
• Get down to their level to appear less threatening or intimidating
• Don’t ignore the child
• Don’t say the child is “just trying to get attention”
• Don’t use stern tones and quick abrasive movements
• Find a safe space they can go that is more regulating in the environment

You want to be still with a child, use minimal words, and be present, letting them borrow your calm state. You want to send a gentle message that you're safe, you're here with me now, and there's nothing dangerous. You might even walk with the child or sit with the child depending on the child's preference or need. Sometimes I will just walk around the room with children. Sometimes I'll just walk so that they can burn off some energy, but I don't talk much. Some children need me to talk and some just want me to sit with them. Another possibility is matching their level because when you're hovering over them, it could trigger this feeling that you're over them and cause them to have more reptile behaviors. It depends on what the child will tolerate. You can also ask them if they want to walk over with you to a safe space, a calming zone, or a quieter space in the room.

Other things that are very important are to use a calm, neutral voice and use very few directions and corrections. Here is the mistake most adults make. They start correcting and directing a child when they're in this reptile brain stage. The fourth F word I want to teach you is called flipped lid. Literally, when emotions rise up to the red zone and your reptile brain takes over, the CEO flips off and you have no ability to follow instructions or listen to your parent or your caregiver because you are in fight, flight, or freeze. Use few corrections and directions. We cannot problem-solve with the child when they are in reptile. We just need to let them know we are here for them and get down to their level. Another piece of advice, please don't ignore children and please don't just say they are trying to get attention. When a child is in their reptile brain, we need to comfort them, we need to bring them back online, and we need to avoid using stern tones of voice.

When you recognize that your spouse, your supervisor, or your child is in the reptile brain, make sure that you are with them, creating a sense of safety, calm, regulation. We really want to support children in getting out of their reptile brain by being calm ourselves.

Signs a Child is in the Emotional/Mammal Brain

• Emotions are escalated (anger, sadness, frustration)
• The child is telling you what happened to them with intensity and their own perspective
• The child is telling you what happened through nonverbal means such as drawing, writing, art
• The child can still be in both reptile and emotional brain at the same time so you may see some of both areas
• The child’s stories do not include empathy to others, perspective-taking, or solutions
• The child has a story filled with how they were wronged and the other is wrong
• Stories can have elements of exaggeration “I will die or I will hurt them”
• If they share solutions they are often exaggerated and may not be logical
• The child is crying or yelling or shutting down while talking
• The child may or may not be able to express their emotions with words depending on the level of emotional intensity 

Let's move on thinking about Cynthia moving from that reptile brain to the mammal brain. Here is what any child in their mammal brain will look like. Emotions such as anger, sadness, or frustration are escalated. Sometimes the child is able to tell you what happened to them. It may be verbal or it may be nonverbal like drawing, writing, or through arts because sometimes kids freeze and they lose their words, so they express it through their behavior or nonverbally. A child can be both in reptile and mammal at the same time, but usually, when they're telling stories, they are super exaggerated, super self-absorbed, and they have no ability to perspective-take or even think of solutions. Do you remember what Cynthia did when she said, "I never got one thing my whole life?" That was an exaggerated story. When she said, "Shut up Daddy, I hate you. I wish you were dead." or if she were to ever say, "You're the worst parent ever" those are all kind of mammally stuff where your story is filled with how you are wronged. They have elements of exaggeration such as, I'm going to die, it's the end of the world, I'm going to hurt them and destroy them, I'm quitting my job, I hate you, we're never going to be married again, and you're the stupidest. All those are exaggerated things. Sometimes they are yelling or crying because they can't even express themselves because they have so much emotional intensity.

Things to Do or Say When in Mammal Brain

• Use a calm and neutral voice
• Use body language that conveys safety (allow children to borrow your calm energy until they regulate)
• Help them feel safe
• Help them feel that you care for them and what they experienced
• Help the child name what they are sensing in their bodies
• Help the child name what they are feeling with words
• Don’t guide to solution when emotions are intense
• Help the child tell their story without agreeing or disagreeing and without correction or direction
• Use sensory objects in the classroom to manage energy (sand, water, music, pinwheels, safe space, bubbles, coloring, play dough, walking, etc.)
• Both the mammal and reptile brain are often called the “downstairs brain” and dance together with the intensity of Fight, Flight, and Freeze 
• Use words that de-escalate or are neutral such as “that happened to you,” “how did that feel,” “you must have felt X,” “I wonder if.” These words help them tell their story
• Attune to the internal experience and story of the child to calm their dysregulation
• Use calming areas or activities that will support optimal regulation
  • Healthy ways to calm energy (listening to music), sensory objects (art, stress balls, fidgets), or expel energy (walking, running, movement)
• Acknowledge their feelings, don’t try to make them go away or minimize what they are feeling (that is silly, you are so dramatic, that did not happen)
• Don’t call the child out. Create a sense of privacy for their story
• Offer a break (water, walk, calming area)

Here are some things to do when your child is in the mammal part of their brain. Again use a calm, neutral voice, and use body language that communicates safety. Pretend you're an external Wi-Fi unit to the internal world of the child. They are plugging into you to borrow your calm energy to calm their own. Help them feel safe, help them feel cared for, and help them name what they are feeling or the sensations in their body. For example, if the child might have a stomach ache you can say, "Do you have a stomach ache? It looks like you're holding your stomach, does it hurt?" or if a child seems upset you can say, "It looks like you were really angry. Did you feel angry?" Do not guide to solutions. Help the child tell their story without agreeing or disagreeing with it. Use sensory objects to help calm the child, like sand, water, bubbles, walking, or coloring, or play dough. Some kids calm down when they have a safe object, like their stuffed animal or their blankie.

Use words that de-escalate, such as: 

• Did that happen to you?
• Oh my goodness, how did that feel?
• You must have felt so frustrated when they took your truck.
• I wonder if you're feeling scared right now.
• I wonder if it feels like there's a volcano inside your heart or your mouth or your throat.

Help them tell their story nonverbally or verbally. Attune to their internal experience. What that means is helping name their feelings and listen to their story. The research shows just by telling your story it calms the emotional circuitry of the brain, especially when an adult hears this and listens. You don't have to agree, you're just helping them name it. Again, use calming activities, such as stress balls, fidget toys, walking, and running movement. Always acknowledge how they feel, don't try to make their feelings go away. Never ever tell them that's silly, that's stupid, or try to prove how others have it way worse. Don't call out the child in front of other children. Create a sense of privacy for their story. Sometimes it helps just to take a little break.

I listened to Lady Gaga on Oprah's SuperSoul Sunday podcast, and I found out Lady Gaga has a history of trauma and she has done a lot of healing around this. One strategy she said she uses is she gets an ice cube and holds it. She says it actually shocks her CEO to come back online so she can be back in her body thinking better and not so dissociative and disconnected. The same is true for children. You could offer a break such as, let's get a glass of water, let's go to a calming area, or let's draw together. Just sometimes doing that brings the child back into the present moment.

Signs a Child is in Optimal Regulation (CEO/Boss Brain)

• The child is not hurting self, others, or property
• The child is responsive to your words
• The child’s body appears calm and back in the present moment
• The child is able to perspective take
• The child is more logical and open to thinking of solutions
• The child is open to ideas or suggestions
• The child can think of choices
• The child has the capacity to see or hear the other sides of a problem
• The child is open to talking things through with adult or peers
• The child tells their story with words

Ultimately what you are trying to do with these reptile and mammal brain strategies is calm the downstairs brain from the red zone to the medium orange zone to the green zone where they are actually calming their body and emotions. Their CEO is ready now. Their body appears calm, their stories are not exaggerated, and they're not hurting themselves, others, or property. 

Things To Do or Say When a Child has Access to the CEO/Executive Brain

• Analyzing different solutions to a problem
• Logical reasoning
• Perspective-taking
• Empathy taking
• Listening
• Following instructions
• Reminder of expectations and rules
• Re-engaging in activities

When the child is finally calm, that's when you can offer solutions. You can help them logically reason. You can help them think about how others felt, help them develop empathy, and help them listen to other sides of stories. They might even be ready to follow instructions, learn, or come back to circle time. Here's where you can remind them of the rules and expectations, and you can even re-engage them, making sure to support them in re-engaging.

The Rewiring of the Brain for Resilience and Healing

We can not only wire the child's brain to have optimal brain integration by using these strategies but then it helps children become aware of the different parts of their brain. When you help them build their CEO, you're really acting to create resilience. Even those children who have experienced trauma can heal from their own traumatic experiences.

Key Strategies

• Attuned and Responsive Relationships
• Predictable, Safe and Regulating Environments
• Building and Strengthening Sensory and Emotional Literacy
• Managing Big Emotions/Self-Regulation

There are some key strategies in addition to the ones that we covered. The number one most important strategy is having a relationship with the child. If you have a connection with them, they will be more apt to listen to you and come to you when they're dysregulated. The second strategy to remember is children need predictable routines and safe environments. This occurs when we as adults reduce the number of things that trigger children and when we create safe zones, safe places, and safe objects. Every child needs a safe person, place, or object that they can go to for help regulating themselves. In fact, every one of us needs the same thing.

The third strategy is building and strengthening a child's sensory and emotional literacy. You're probably more familiar with emotional literacy. That is teaching kids the feeling words, teaching them when those feelings are small (green), medium (orange), or red (big). You can even use thermometers to teach that. Sensory literacy is a new term. It is having children be aware of their body and their sensations. If you go to my website (see references and resources below - Center for Optimal Brain Integration), I have a 22-minute video and a 16-page free guide on teaching sensory literacy.

The last strategy is managing big emotions and teaching kids to build their self-regulation toolkit. When working with infants, you are the self-regulator, then as they become about two to four-years-old, some of them learn to suck their thumb and/or use a pacifier, and some have a blankie and/or a stuffed animal. Then they have a friend they go to. We all have to learn self-regulation strategies, such as breathing and going for a walk. Take a moment and think about five things that you use to calm your own self down, so you don't fight, flight or freeze. I bet you will have five things in your emergency first responder kit. We actually need to help kids develop those same things by teaching them to build their own self-regulation toolkit, so in a real emergency, they can use those strategies to calm their own downstairs brain.

I want to close by saying, you are a superhero, you are a person who is a brain architect. The more you use these strategies, the more you will help children grow up to be adults with integrated brains and specific important strategies. In fact, the four strategies that all children need to learn to grow up to be humane are these:

1. Teach kids sensory and emotional literacy.
2. Teach kids when they are small, medium, and large inside our own bodies.
3. Teach kids to build a big self-regulation toolkit because they need to recognize when their emotions are in the orange or red zone, they need a self-regulation strategy or they will hurt others, themselves, or property.
4. Teach them how to problem-solve and use that CEO, to perspective-take, self-regulate, think things through, and develop that sense of empathy.

That's how you grow humans to be humane. Thank you so much for allowing me to be with you today.

References and Resources

Websites

Phone and Tablet APPs

Trigger Stop: Sensory and Emotional Check-In (Julie Kurtz)

• For children under the age of eight

• For older kids and adults