Question
What are some things to consider before having a difficult conversation?
Answer
There are several key things to consider before you engage in some of these difficult conversations:
- What is the purpose for having the conversation? What do you hope to accomplish? It's so easy in these conversations to get sidetracked, but we want to make sure we have a clear reason for the conversation.
- What assumptions are you making about this person's intentions? Are we assuming that they are just not following through the plan because they're lazy or because they are just trying to get under your skin? We need to think about what our assumptions are.
- What buttons of yours are being pushed? Are you much more emotional than the situation warrants? Are you getting overly upset because they're not taking them to P.E. when they need to, or they're late to get to P.E.? Be aware of the emotional energy that you're bringing to this conversation.
- How is your attitude toward the conversation influencing your perception of it?
- Who is the opponent? Who are you going to have this conversation with and what are their needs? What solutions do you think they would want to discuss? Maybe it's about P.E. and the para's not taking the child to P.E. Think about their side of the argument. Why would they not be taking them to P.E.?
- What are your needs and fears?
- How have you contributed to the problem? How have they? Maybe you've contributed to the problem by never having tried to take the child to P.E. You have never tried to give the para any strategies to take the child to P.E. You've just asked why she hasn't taken him to P.E. How have they contributed? "You know what? She's never asked me to try."
This Ask the Expert is an edited excerpt from the course, It's Not What You Say, It's How You Say It (Family-Centered Practice & Teaming), by Tara Warwick, MS.
