Question
How can adults avoid mishandling conversations about children's sexual behavior and development?
Answer
Adults often unintentionally complicate discussions about children's sexual behavior by applying adult perspectives to child development. Unlike adults, children do not operate from an adult framework of sexuality. Their understanding is shaped by their age, cognitive abilities, and emotional and physical development. Misinterpreting their behaviors through an adult lens can lead to inappropriate reactions, such as shaming or labeling natural curiosity as problematic.
One common mistake is avoiding discussions about healthy and age-appropriate sexual behavior because of discomfort. This avoidance can leave children confused and without clear guidance about what is normal or expected. Instead, it is essential to engage in open, honest, and developmentally appropriate conversations. By doing so, adults help normalize curiosity and create an environment where children feel safe asking questions and understanding boundaries.
Adults also need to ensure their actions align with their words. Mixed messages can arise when adults say one thing but act in ways that imply discomfort or disapproval. This inconsistency can confuse children and potentially stigmatize normal developmental behaviors. A mindful, empathetic approach ensures children receive clear and supportive guidance about their growth and behavior.
This Ask the Expert is an edited excerpt from the course, Exploring Healthy and Concerning Sexual Behaviors in Children , presented by Kelli Underwood, MSW, LCSW
