Cultural Awareness in Working with Families

Editor’s note: This text-based course is an edited transcript of the webinar, Cultural Awareness in Working with Families, presented by Anarella Cellitti, PhD.

Learning Outcomes

After this course, participants will be able to:

• Recognize cultural differences in families.
• Identify potential barriers to working effectively with families.
• Implement culturally sensitive strategies to promote family engagement. 

When inviting parents, ask who will be attending. Don't think that they're going to come by themselves. That's not going to happen. Most of the time you'll have three to five people. I went to one meeting that had seven people. Be open to that. Ask the parents who they want to bring. In one meeting, parents brought the priest. If the parents need the priest to attend, it’s important that you help him to feel welcome as well. He's going to be a support for that child. Everyone in that meeting is a support for that child. That's what we want. We want children to be supported in their development and learning. 

Let the decision makers know what will be discussed and what decisions will be made during the meeting.  It's best if you can do this before the meeting so you do not ambush the parent. For example, we're going to decide if your child will need a family plan, or we're going to assess your child for a possible language delay, or if we'll need to do X, Y, and Z. This gives them an idea why they're coming to the meeting and allows families to discuss it at home prior to the meeting. Then when they come to the meeting and you ask for their opinion, they already have an opinion formed and know what they're going to say. Grandma is going to say, yes, I agree, because she already said everything before. This shortens the process during the meeting because everyone has already had time to discuss it.

If you want to make those significant others part of your support system, ask them, what do you think? Solicit the opinion of every single person that came there. Give them the opportunity to speak. Give them the opportunity to show family members that they are supportive.

Unfortunately, many teachers often say they don't have enough time to do that because they have 20 or 25 children and have to have a meeting for each child. When you work with families that are a different culture, you have to understand that they may not be in this fast-track Americans are in. Sometimes they need extended time. The decision might not be made today. Families might go home and discuss the decision. Give them time to discuss it and ask them to contact you the next day.  They could call you, or send an email, or text you saying, well, we discussed it tonight, and we decided to do this. Then you can ask them to stop by your office to sign the paperwork or you can send the paperwork with the child.

Do not think that the approach of problem-solving that the main culture in the United States has is the same problem-solving process that parents of different cultures might have. During the meeting, provide a break without the staff. Leave and give them 10 to 15 minutes to talk, discuss, and get the consensus. Even though it's only 10 to 15 minutes, it shows respect for the family. The other thing is that in the Latino culture, like in many others, we're trained that you don't make a decision right off the bat. If you gave them those 15 minutes, you might need to tell them when the decision needs to be made. For example, by the end of this week or you can say, “You all can talk and when I come back if any of you have any questions left about it I’ll be happy to answer them.” It’s important that you give the family that privacy and the opportunity to communicate among themselves and then present you either their solution or what they need in order to get to that decision made. It's just providing time and sensitivity.

The other thing that is very common in Latino family is collectivism. We are a collective culture, compared to individualistic culture. That being said, it’s important to understand that the children are trained from a very young age to help family, friends, and the next-door neighbor, who is often considered their relative as well. Unfortunately, some of the practices in the schools and in some centers are very individualistic.  This can create an imbalance in the children at home because in the school they are trained to be what we would call self-centered, even though it's more independent. When they get home, they are expected to be more group-oriented and to be more looking at the benefit of all. 

What are the potential barriers of collectivism? Expecting the children to be more competitive, such as doing their own work, and doing their own thing. Sometimes it's okay to do this because it's a value that they need to learn and it's a behavior that they need to learn, but not at the expense of their collectivism. When they go home and they display those behaviors, they're going to be penalized.

Latino children will help their friend or relative even if they're instructed to work alone. I've been in some classrooms that the children were doing some work, and the teacher said they were cheating. When I asked the teacher why she thought they were cheating she said they were always looking at each other and talking in another language. She didn’t know what they were talking about because they were talking in another language. I explained to her that helping is not cheating. He might not be giving the answer. He might be giving the instructions. Remember, he's expected to do that.

When those children go home and say they asked their friend a question and he didn't answer, that child is going to be penalized. That child is going to have to answer to an adult. It’s very confusing for a four, five, or six-year-old. The child might tell the adult the teacher told me not to do that. This can cause problems within the family. Instead of scolding the child and assuming they’re cheating, ask the child what he’s helping him with. Try to look at some of those behaviors differently. The children are not trying to cheat. The child might be trying to help because they've been conditioned since very early on that helping others is more important even than helping your own self.

Encourage children to be cooperative. Provide opportunities for group as well as individual work because it's important that they learn that skill as well. Eliminate any bias you might have about helping to create dependency. Latinos depend on other people. Some literature calls it being dependent, but we call that interdependency. We do need everybody in order to function. That's why we train our kids to be interdependent. Also, the fact that you help me doesn't mean I'm going to be dependent on it. I think it's a big leap between being dependent and being helpful. It’s also important to remember the language differences. If you have children that still have difficulties with the language, they're going to rely more on some of their peers of the same language to translate for them or give them clues as to what is happening and what is expected of them. Please, be very careful about this dependency issue. I hear many teachers and child care providers saying that they're dependent. You might say that, but in reality, it's what is culturally expected.

All right, the next thing we will talk about is personal space. For Latinos, personal contact is extremely common. You're going to get hugs, handshakes, kisses on the cheek, and pats on the arm. That is what is expected. The Latino is friendlier and more open emotionally than the typical American. Let me tell you a funny story about when I came to America. I came from an Italian family. My mom was Venezuelan and my father was Italian. Unfortunately, in the United States, the physical space is bigger. It's more hands off. In the schools we're trained we're not supposed to be touching or hugging children. But then the children come from families where affection and acceptance is expressed by physical contact and proximity. When I came here, I remember I went back home and asked my mom, “Mom, do I smell?” And she said, “Why do you say that? You took a shower this morning.”  I said, “Yeah, but every time I get close to people, people back up.” I was already an educated woman, and I didn't even realize that it was the issue of personal space. I started reading, asking friends, and finally, some good soul explained to me that you have to talk at arms-length. Just think about it because in addition to that, we're talking about three, four, and five-year-olds who are very emotional. They want to be hugged and kissed. That doesn't mean that they are dependent. This means that they're being trained to be more affectionate.

Conversational space might seem too close for comfort, for you, but for some, the more space you put between the two of you, the more separation they feel. They often wonder why you are not standing close to them and if there’s a problem. You might want to address that. Don't assume that parents know this. They don't and I didn't. Demonstrate behaviors that might feel uncomfortable to you, such as affection, hugs, and kisses. I understand there is a limit and we're going to talk about that in a minute. Lack of affective behavior from others can be perceived as a rejection. I know because I experienced that.

Disclosure of too much personal information might seem inappropriate. This is another thing to keep in mind. The psychological space for Latinos is just as close as the physical space. Latino people will tell you a lot of things. During an IEP meeting you might ask a question, and before you know it they are telling you stories that you were not expecting to hear. They are telling you all of that because they trust you and because they think, if I'm going to work with you, and you're going to work with my child, you need to know that. That's what's in their mind. Even though in your mind it may seem like too much info, in their mind this is how I can convey that I'm closer to you and that if I tell you all of this you're going to help me with my child. For some families, the lack of those effusive or demonstrative things might feel as if you're cold and aloof, while you might feel a psychological struggle and that it's too much for you. We have to find a middle ground somewhere.

One thing you can do is remember that you are the educated person and you are in charge of the program. When you have families that are from the Latino culture, try to sit closer to them. You may be in a meeting that’s an hour or an hour and a half long. Condition yourself to do what is necessary to show acceptance, which might mean sitting a little closer than you’re used to. I’m not talking about getting in their face. I’m talking about just getting a bit closer by leaning forward or other strategies that say I'm here for you. You might give a comforting pat on the shoulder for a greeting and say, “Hi, how are you doing?” We may want to hug and kiss you, but we realize that you might not feel that comfortable. Say good morning, good afternoon, how are you, and give a good handshake. While conversing, as I mentioned before, lean forward.

Be aware that even with all your barriers you might have a parent or a child break those barriers and hug you as a sign of acceptance and respect. Again, I know you might feel uncomfortable, but we are the trained professionals. We are the ones that can say, you know what, I understand. This is what they need to feel accepted and to feel a part of this. This is how I can show that I do respect them.

Now, if this is too uncomfortable to you, then you might want to talk about it. I don't think that anyone will kiss you, but I think that the hug can happen. You might want to say that in the United States sometimes, those signs of affections can be misconstrued, and people, when they pass by, might not feel comfortable seeing this.  If you get to that point you could also say, “I’m having a hard time because in my culture that's not acceptable behavior. It's nothing against you, it's just about me.” You have to be the one that decides whether you feel comfortable with a hug once in a while or not. If you need to address it, be sensitive about, and always say it's about you and the American culture. People are often not trained to be huggers and kissers, and therefore you feel really awkward, and you even feel awkward about presenting it to them.

The next thing that is extremely important is caring and respect. In general, the average Latino tries to maintain social harmony and pleasant relationships. They prefer not to address problematic issues in order to avoid conflict and social awkwardness. Children are typically expected to be polite, not assertive, and to obey adults as a sign of respect. In the classroom when you ask the children to express their ideas, if they don't think that's what the teacher is wanting, they're not going to share their idea because they perceive that as going against the authority. They might see that as not being a polite child. 

That all sounds really good but it can create some potential differences. Parents might not tell teachers they disagree if they don't like what they're doing. Latinos will avoid showing anger or disappointment. I’m going to talk about my country for a moment. In Venezuela, we are very assertive and direct. That's a very different approach than some other Latino cultures. You have to be careful because many people in my culture, my country, my group, my age are very direct. We tell you what we think.  Some people here might feel like it's rude, because it's rare, particularly in the south. You have to think about where they're coming from. Don't assume that the Latinos are not going to tell you about their anger. We're going to be polite about it, but you're going to know that we're angry and upset.

I went to a meeting one time where even the interpreter felt uncomfortable translating what the parents said. What the parents said was very mild. They said, “I don't think you like my child.” The interpreter, who was Latino, was falling apart with that statement and couldn't handle it. Again, when you have a parent that says, “I don't believe you're doing the right thing,” or “I don't think you like my child,” you have to take into consideration where they’re from.

Even though what they said was mild, behind that was a volcano erupting.  It was said in a calm way because often times we're not trained to show our anger or disappointment. Children, of course, are going to avoid confrontations with peers. It is unlikely that you’ll hear a child say no or tell on his peers because they're trained not to do so. They're trained to be shy in many cases.

One helpful strategy in regard to caring and respect is to develop a strong relationship with parents before giving feedback about issues with children. We are sensitive about our children, like anybody else. Recognize that to maintain group harmony and cohesion, Latinos might be more diplomatic, supportive, and trusting. At the same time, you might need to encourage them to really speak their mind when they agree, or if they disagree as well. If certain conversations are sensitive in nature or involve constructive criticism, discuss these matters privately with the parents, without the children being there.  It’s also important to use a nurturing relationship approach. You want to make sure you’re sensitive, caring, and present positive things about the child. Think carefully about how you're going to present negative information to parents. That goes for parents in any culture.

The parental role is very important because the parental roles are perceived very, very different in the Latino culture. For example, parenthood is emphasized over the roles of wife and husband. Our children come before our spouses. Our mission is to be parents first and a spouse second. In the United States, that's not the case. Parents are controlling. We exercise high monitoring and involvement with the children. I don't like the new term of helicopter parents. I think that's demeaning, particularly when there are cultural issues behind this. We're trained that to be a good parent you have to watch and protect your children. How can you protect your children if you're not watching them?

Authority is usually given to the husband, the parents, males and the elderly. So as a grandmother, I have a lot of authority. As a parent I have a lot of authority. As a husband I have authority. Children have so many people that have authority over them.

Husbands/fathers are expected to provide financially for the family, to protect, and to be hard-working, while the mother is expected to be more supportive, nurturing, and self-sacrificing. Mothers take care of the children, and in general, they make the majority of the school decisions, but they are expected to seek the father’s input. In general, that's the expectation.

Now, in some cultures, like in Venezuela for example, the mothers make the decisions about the children the majority of the time, such as medical decisions, unless it's something really severe. But in general, at least my generation, the mothers were more involved in the decision-making about the children and if both parents couldn't be there, that was not a conflict. The mother had the right and the most authority over the child. In other Latino cultures that's not the case. In some other Latino cultures, the father has to be involved and he makes decisions for the child. Even though he might make the same decision as the mother, it’s important for the father to have that say. This is why when there's a decision to be made in a meeting, it’s important to allow the family time to consult and discuss the decision before giving you an answer.  Sometimes we expect the mothers to make the decision right then, but that is upsetting the balance of the dynamics of the relationship because the other parent was not consulted. Those are sensitive things that we have to look at. Of course, in some Latino families, like in many other families, you're seeing that the father and the mother roles are becoming more equal. 

One of the potential barriers when thinking about parental role is expecting parents to come to meetings and leave the children at home. That's not going to happen. Parents do not leave their children alone and their children go everywhere with them. If you are asking parents to come to a meeting or an event, have a classroom with a teacher or a babysitter available for the children to go to during the meeting or event.

The most important part that is always a big conflict with the school is expecting the parents to take teaching roles. They see you as a teacher, a provider, the person in charge, and the person with the education. You're supposed to do that. As a parent, they are supposed to nurture, clean, cook, and make their child healthy, and you're supposed to teach their child. I know that's not the American point of view but that's the Latino point of view.

What can you do? You might need to train the parents and explain to them why their role is so important. You need to learn about the parental social group to understand their perception of their role. Find out if the family is coming from this ethnic group or that group and what are they perceiving their roles are. Of course, education is important. They need to understand how they can help with their child’s education and you can assist with that. Sometimes I think the family doesn't feel comfortable. They don't think they have the skills or the knowledge, even though they might have. With good training, any parent can assist their child in reading, writing, arithmetic, and social skills. They don't perceive that as their role, so you might need to give them the confidence and let them know that they can do that. If they can read, they can read to their child. That's excellent. They’re being a teacher and helping in development. As already mentioned, when in a meeting, ask the parent if he or she needs to consult anyone. Expect many people to attend the meeting and plan care and activities to engage children during meetings if they're going to be attending the meeting with their parents.

Let’s talk about the children’s role for a minute. Independence is not encouraged. We feed and dress children until the children say they can do it. The other day I went to a school and I saw a mother feeding a child. I told my coworker, that's a Latino parent. She asked how I knew and I said it was because many people here don't feed their children. The family had just immigrated from Nicaragua and this was the child’s first year of school. It was October and the mother was there feeding her child. Unfortunately, the teacher saw that negatively. In our culture the parent has to do that for their child until the child says she has learned it and can do it for herself.

In addition to that, children are expected to be obedient to authority figures. In general, we are authoritarians. Authority is important, and you have to submit to the authority because the adults know better than you do because you're a child. The children will obey rules without talking back to their parents or adults. Children look parents in the eyes during commands. However, in some groups, the opposite is expected. In my Venezuelan group, my age, my generation, you have to look at your parents when they talk to you, or else. You know what or else means. In some other cultures it's the opposite, don't look at me or else. But you have to figure out for your group, for the children that you're serving, what is the norm for that group.

Some of the potential differences you’ll see in the child’s role is that parents feed, dress, and do many things for their children. The children are expected to be “children” for a longer time. That's the reason we don't include children in meetings. That's the reason we don't allow them to be in conversations that adults are making decisions, or talking about adult things because they need to be kept kids.

Children will not report or say things that are bothering them without extensive coaching. They will tell you, but you have to coach them to do it because they are trained that, number one, conflict is to be avoided, and I have to obey. I might be given a command to obey that I don't like, but I'm not going to complain because that's going against the authority. Eye contact could be a conflict for some children. Children are not expected to be involved in conversations where adults are making decisions such as where they're going to school or what are they going to do. Some families have family meetings and everyone has an opinion. That typically won’t happen in the Latino cultures.

Do not include children in meetings. Arrange for their care. Do not expect the children to give opinions in meetings. I went to an IEP meeting once and the teacher asked the child a question and he went blank. I had to suggest that we ask the parents first. The child wasn’t going to say anything because he felt that he would be chastised if he gave his opinion, because that's a conversation for adults.

Since our children are seen as dependent rather than independent, I think that we need to explain to parents that if we don't encourage the children at school to do things for themselves they are at risk of being called babies and be ridiculed by peers. Let parents know that at home they can still feed their child, but at school maybe just do it the first week or two.  Have parents explain to the child that they are not coming because they don’t want other children to make fun of him. At home it’s okay for the parent to feed the child. For the child, the mother feeding him is a sign of affection and caring, and for the mother, she feels like she’s being a good mother by feeding her child. Explain those possible issues about what we call independence here and what might be independence in other cultures. Help the children transition from interdependency into independency. That's hard because the parents might have a different vision than you, but explain why it’s important and give them the steps. Let them know you can do this together.

One potential barrier in regard to the teacher’s role includes expecting parents to take a teaching role. In addition, family and friends could take precedence over school activities. For example, if there's a conflict between what the school is requesting me to do but what my friend needs, I'm going to go with my friend's need because my friend, remember, is my psychological family, and I'm going to be family first, and then teachers next.

Many families lack information about school policies. I've been in situations in which parents do not realize that attendance is a big issue, particularly when they're starting grade school.  They don’t realize that they can be sent to DHS and court because the child has been absent many times. You might need to explain that a little bit more and the consequences here, because in the Latino culture, and in many other countries, that's not the case. If you don't send your child to school, there's no penalty for that.

Planning too far ahead in the future is one potential barrier. That's extremely important because of the school’s need to focus on school readiness when the child is only three-years old. We don't plan that far ahead. When I was in Venezuela, I remember people making fun of me because I had a five-year plan. Whatever things are coming we will resolve them, but in many cases it's not a plan for the future. Therefore, when you're talking about that three-year-old that needs to be ready for school, well school is three years away. Why am I going to be worrying about it? So, that's a possible barrier there.

Putting an emphasis on meetings rather than people can be another barrier. One of the things that is going to happen is you’ll have a meeting scheduled, the Latino parents say they're coming, and they don't show up. When they call back, or you meet them again, they might say, “Well, my next-door neighbor had this problem.” You might think, yeah, but we had a meeting. Remember, other people are more important than the time. Again, their psychological family is more important than anything else. They are also going to put that collectivism view above themselves and their child. Their group needs them, therefore, they have to respond to the group. Don't get upset, it's nothing about you. They are trying to be what they are, group oriented. They're trying to be part of their most significant people, which is their family, whether that’s blood or psychological.