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How Can I Practice Unconditional Positive Regard When I Feel Personally Triggered, Attacked, or I'm the Victim of a Microaggression?

Kati Vaughn, BA, MA

January 6, 2020

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Question

How can I practice unconditional positive regard when I feel personally triggered, attacked, or I'm the victim of a microaggression?

Answer

I'm sure we've all been in conversations where we've felt a certain way in response to something someone else did or said. To pretend like that doesn't affect us is really hard and actually inhuman. If you are in that situation and feel like you're unable to lean into the core conditions due to your own heightened emotional state, take a pause. Give yourself time to de-escalate and manage your own emotions and tell the person you would like to pick up the conversation another time.  Give yourself the time you need to process, then come back together after a restorative conversation. The bottom line is that you have to honor and protect your own safety and wellness. This work is hard. You're a human being as well. Coaching is a dance. Sometimes we feel successful, and sometimes we don't. It's a matter of being aware of how you are proceeding in a conversation, and if you can't, then don't.

This Ask the Expert is an edited excerpt from the course, Thriving Teachers, Thriving Centers: Improving Teacher Satisfaction and Reducing Turnover, in partnership with Region 9 Head Start Association, by Kati Vaughn, MA.


kati vaughn

Kati Vaughn, BA, MA

Kati's path to founding Stay the Course has been fueled by a lifelong passion for teaching and leading in the classroom. She holds a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Harvard University and a Master’s degree in Early Childhood Education from Loyola Marymount University. She brings a decade of teaching, coaching, and management experience with an emphasis on equity and inclusiveness, a career that began as a corps member with Teach For America. Over 7 years of working directly with school-based staff in Washington, D.C., she averaged a teacher retention rate of 94%, and consistently rated higher than regional and national averages on measures of teacher satisfaction and healthy mindsets. In addition to her coaching work, she has led numerous professional learning experiences focused on culturally responsive teaching, educator wellness, and values-based leadership.


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